Being Uncomfortably Vulnerable

Mar 11

I’m not a diver. I don’t dive into water. Not into the ocean or a pool. Definitely not off a cliff. But I’m about to do a whole different dive and it’s just as scary. It’s a dive into exposing myself to people I’d rather not.

I’d Like To Blame This On Brené Brown

Brené Brown talks about vulnerability — I don’t remember her Ted talk verbatim, but the gist of it is that we’re better people when we’re our authentic, most vulnerable selves. When we’re vulnerable, people can relate to us more. They see themselves in our truths and in our messiness. That’s fine and good with my best friends and some of my family. But to put myself out there with “others,” those who peripherally know me, um, no thanks. That’s real fear — adrenaline producing, sleep depriving fear. Who really wants to walk up to a mom on the playground and share with her, “I’m having financial difficulties,” or “I think my husband is cheating on me.” That might not go over very well.

So what is this leap, this dive? I am launching my website and my podcast, and the outlines of my book (blog for now because it’s definitely not a book yet), but I’m broadcasting it.

I don’t care if people I don’t know see anything. That’s great, in fact, that’s the point — I want to help people.

It’s the people I know that’s the problem. I’m revealing my insides to them in the process of this launch. That’s the frightening part. Bringing “52 Weeks of Hope” to life means revealing my secrets, my inner life.

WHY I REVEAL MY INNER SELF

I write what brought “52 Weeks of Hope” about — why “52 Weeks of Hope.” I thought it was enough to share all the nuggets I gleaned from interviewing a person a week for 52 weeks about the “meaning of life” or “what’s the point here” but no, I have to write about me, too, evidently. The incredible messages and even some commonalities that are revealed in the 52 weeks — nope, still not enough. My life and the dark periods, yeah, I divulge all of that, too. How I got through everything and came out of it wondering, “Why are we here?” kinda questions. Then pursuing that quest. Which ultimately brings me to this point, to the weeks before I bare my soul, so to speak.

SURROUNDING MYSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO THINK THE BEST OF ME

The truth is though, no one is paying that much attention. Everyone is wrapped up in their own day to day existence too much to give me more than a few seconds thought. And hopefully those paying attention will root me on and be happy I’ve made it through my hard times and pursued this goal. I’ve learned how important community is — a community of people who build me up, tell me I’m great, and help me keep going.

Life has enough ups and downs; I’ve learned to be picky with who I surround myself with these days. “52 Weeks of Hope” grants relief from moments when some of us go through a dark period or just don’t want to get out of bed. So if I can help just one person keep going, revealing my insides is worth it. Because that is the point — to help someone else feel better. In doing that, in giving hope, I feel better, too. Diving in, and passing it on, and yea, being vulnerable in the process.