Why Vulnerability Matters

I remember when I didn’t get an offer from my summer law clerk position. To me it confirmed my fears that I’d been found out, my getting into law school was a fluke, I’m dumb and not worthy of even being at a law firm, maybe on this planet.

My cousin shared with me she felt the same when she didn’t get into one of the big 7 accounting firms and that my uncle told her it all happens for a reason and she’d end up where she was supposed to. He let me know I would too. My cousin got a fabulous position perfect for her where she also happened to meet her husband and yadda yadda yadda.

But I still felt like, “She’s different, I got found out and now everyone knows.” So I didn’t feel placated by her earlier experience, even though I should have.

Here I am two decades later and know much better. I’m so glad I didn’t get that stifling law firm job. I’d have quit the profession so fast, a profession I absolutely love, doing a service for others that fills me up daily. I ended up opening up my own practice and I help so many people as an employee rights lawyer, so I love what I do and it all unfolded exactly as it should have (thanks Uncle Paul).

I heard Angela Manuel Davis say today during her fabulous live AARMY spin class when something happens in her life she thinks about how she’ll use it in her coaching. She doesn’t think “why me” or self-serving things like that, but how can she give this experience to us. She’s constantly thinking of passing it on, giving to others and it got me going — how am I using my experiences helping others.

The best way to help others is to share your own story, our own experiences, to say, “Hey, I get it, I’ve been there. It’ll be okay.” It’s why I went on my quest to elders asking, “What’s the point here? Is there really meaning?” resulting in my 52 Weeks of Hope podcast and website because sometimes it feels kinda tough and no, I’m not a naturally depressive type.

I went straight to the source asking octogenarians, “So what have you gleaned from living life so far? What can you tell me?” I asked one person a week setting out for a year and after a while, such common themes emerged that I knew I had to share these messages of hope with the world because the stories were rich and meaningful…and frankly, exactly what I needed to fill my soul. It wasn’t something to keep inside and treasure for myself; it’s clearly meant to share with others. That’s how this works.

I know that when I quit drinking many years ago, others before me let me know it gets better, and they’d share with me the best way through each day. When my mom died I craved others who had similar circumstances at around the same age I was. I sought other single moms at all the schools while raising my kids. I want to hear from those who’ve gone before me that I’m gonna get through and to tell me the best way to do something, but I want to hear it experientially.

So anyone who knows me knows that I’m the first to go help someone going through a similar “crisis” as I’ve gone through. I put crisis in quotes because nothing is truly a crisis. It’s just life. But when we’re in it, I mean really in it, it’s hard to remember we’re gonna get through.

We need others reminding us, “Yea, there is a beginning, middle, and end to everything and you’re gonna get through this. I did.”

Hopefully, I am using my experiences to help others. Angela definitely gave me pause. And adulation. But I’m such a groupie of hers I’m probably in constant adulation. No one is on a pedestal though. We’re all human. When I was younger I put a couple of people on pedestals. They’re no longer around. I’ve learned. Not one of us is any better than another. Not fame or fortune puts anyone on a pedestal for me. We’re all doing this life deal the same. One breath at a time. We’re all in this together. We all breathe in life and breathe out fear or anger or whatever it is we are holding onto to get through the day and hopefully in the midst of that some real magic occurs. The sweet spot of love, and grace, and connection.

It’s connection and community that matter. When that real, soul part of me is talking to that magic part of you, we’re helping each other, we are connected, and that is what this life deal’s about.