Finding Balance in Chaos: Escaping Burnout and Embracing Fulfillment with Joe Fier
Feeling overwhelmed, disconnected, or stuck in a cycle of burnout? Are you ready to step off the hamster wheel, rediscover joy and fulfillment in your life, and break negative patterns for your personal growth?
Listen as Joe Fier gives you secrets to finding balance, harmony, and true happiness in life's chaos. Get inspired as Joe shares his fascinating journey of self-discovery and the remarkable lessons he learned. Joe offers strategies to build the kind of life you deserve, the importance of surrounding yourself with the right people, and how pausing can get you on the right track.
“Find like-minded people that you can speak freely to and with, and also hold you accountable.” – (Joe), 8:06
"I feel like now I would almost define happiness as that, like knowing I'm putting my best expression and effort out there, and at the same time, I'm taking time for myself to be grounded enough to chill out a little bit." - – (Joe), 4:09
“You have to value your time, and you have to value your energy.” – (Joe), 11:33
“The work, it’s got to start with you, and then from there, I feel like everything else falls into place.” – (Joe), 14:33
If you want to stop wishing for someone else's life, first uncover your desires, understand your past patterns, and then take intentional actions toward creating the life you truly want.
Joe takes you through the importance of self-reflection, forgiveness, and breaking negative patterns that may hold you back. By addressing unresolved past experiences, practicing self-awareness, and embracing your unique journey, you can begin to align with your personal desires and find true happiness. It's never too late to start living your life authentically.
“Things open up once you realize what you have been neglecting.” – (Joe), 18:14.
"I'm very clear that there's a time thing, you know. You can value your time, and you can value your energy. And, there's a type of energy you're putting out into the world, and if it's not good energy, . . . , it's probably not gonna be received well by anyone around you." – (Joe), 11:03
“When you step away from things, that’s when things can come together, and the right things attach.” – (Joe), 34:41
In this episode
(3:08) – How your actions affect your happiness, and happiness is a choice.
(3:37) – You don’t always have to be happy; sometimes neutral works best for you.
(4:33) – Feeling burnt out, the negative mindset and anger ensue.
(8:21) – The Wim Holf Breathwork method
(11:37) – The energy you put out into the world matters.
(13:05) – The 80/20 rule.
(13:44) – Auditing your time and energy.
(14:04) – The ten core daily habits.
(15:43) – From a workaholic to finding balance.
(18:06) – Advice for someone who needs to make a shift.
(19:25) – The self-authoring program by Jordan Peterson.
(19:44) – Unless you work through past patterns, they’ll keep repeating.
(20:55) – The importance of forgiving yourself.
(22:44) - Why physical connection matters.
(23:26) – The bravery to tell others you’re lonely.
(24:35) – Life becomes easier when you take control.
(25:31) – The ripple effect of curating the right people.
(27:09) – Building a community is more than sending out invitations.
(32:47) – You’re exactly where we’re supposed to be.
(33:15) – The power of being present where you are at.
Resources and Links
52 Weeks of Hope
Joe Fier
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Joe [00:00:00] 20% of your efforts basically gives you 80% of your results. So, I mean, with that in mind, now, even more than ever, I'd say your happiness comes from your habits and your choices internally to take a stand for yourself. I think before that you've got to observe and actually understand what the heck it is that you're doing. And you know, we're not doing it just like trying to be a witness of your actions as much as possible. And, you know, you could do things like auditing your time or auditing your energy.
Lauren [00:00:32] Are you a burnt-out overachiever, buried in responsibilities? Do you miss laughing with your friends? Just laughing from the gut and remember that? Do you feel like life's passing you by? If you've been wishing for some kind of shift, you're in the right place. Welcome to 52 Weeks of Hope, The show where we take you off the hamster wheel by ditching the to-do list for the to dont list. This is where you get to learn how to make that lonely ache vanish. Learn self-compassion techniques and to give yourself grace. I'm Lauren Abrams, and I get to help you feel that magic again. Since points of my own dark night of the soul. So you can learn from my experience and the mentors and experts I meet along the way. And today we're talking to one of those mentors entrepreneur, marketer and brand amplifier. Joe Fier. Are you ready to create your life? That's more joy and less burnout. You're in for a treat. Hearing from Joe, who hit that overwhelm and now has tips and tools for you so you can learn how to take back your time, your vitality and your health. You get to stop wearing that mask-like everything's okay right now. Welcome to 52 weeks out, Joe.
Joe [00:01:34] Thank you. I learned that was awesome, the intro and that was so sweet And it's been yeah, it's it's good to be here. I know.
Lauren [00:01:43] Yeah. I'm very excited to do this. Okay, so I just listened to your episode four Hustle and Flow chart, and it was one on happiness. It was the factors that determine happiness. And I know there was so much in it and it was so surprising because you talked about some of it is inherited, but it was like 51% recreate and it was getting enough sleep, which we hear about a lot in the last few years. But but we get to create our own happiness. And I know you have this guys group your own type of scorecard that you keep. And it's because of Joe, by the way, that my scorecard that's on the website is now color coded and so much prettier. He had me tweak it so it's so much better and easier to read and everything. So you want to talk about the factors that create that happiness. And because you hate your overwhelm and have to slow down now there's a lot built into that.
Joe [00:02:41] So there is. Yeah. And I'll kick it off with that for sure. And I forget the exact factors I said in that podcast. A lot of this stuff, sometimes it's all rooted in the pillars or whatever. I, you know, how I navigate my own life and happiness. But sometimes, yeah, the specifics come out in different ways. Others say that this year has has been totally different than most, almost actually all of them because of that scorecard. So to highlight what you're doing here with your own scorecard and, you know, putting the pause into things and being more mindful overall with what we're doing with our actions and inactions, I mean, those are an action or a choice anyway. You know, happiness is a choice, and it doesn't start with that. I think like what I might have been in the episode, I felt like I always had to be happy in or at least have like, yeah, I think happy actually is like, you don't really have to be how to be happy all the time. It's more like, Find what I've realized now. It's almost like neutral slash, like a content. Nice.
Lauren [00:03:47] A balance.
Joe [00:03:48] Yeah, and more like a harmony is what I always like to say over even balance because I used to like that. I'm like kind of peace with balance because let's be honest, life could be better, but at the same time you can feel good or at least feel neutral about it enough to keep your head straight, level minded. So I feel like now I would define happiness. Is that like knowing that I'm putting my best expression and effort out there and at the same time I'm taking time for myself to be grounded enough And so I could chill out a little bit because I think if I did it in a lot of us Type A folks, we can just go, go, go, go, go. And I found myself in burnout many times, or in a very kind of negative mindset that would then it patterns I probably developed from my father. I would imagine it could turn into even little anger like and just like when it's like that pent up this and that's because it's that's either so these habits and like a checklist when I'm when I'm now on the sleep you know getting at least 7 hours ideally more and you know when I'm doing breath work in the morning, when I'm able to move my body in multiple ways, like I always crank out 100 pushups a day throughout the day. And that's like most easy now. So I'm like, Wow, that's crazy. Because back in the day it's been very difficult. But just that consistently, you know, like what moving my body there's I purposely I moved my office right next to the home gym so it's like I get to walk past all the kettlebells, Molly's rings and I'm like, I'm moving my butt. All day long, but that's like a mental. It's got to ground me there. If I'm not doing that, I get a little squirrely. Get a little. Yeah, it's all over the place. So it keeps me focused and happy.
Lauren [00:05:42] Yeah. And when I interviewed your wife, Heather. Yeah, she was talking about how good you are and you're very regimented with as far as meditation and moving your body and all of that. And she, he could feel it when she has it, but that you're really good at making sure you do that daily.
Joe [00:06:00] Yeah, I'm happy.
Lauren [00:06:00] She said she spoke very highly of you in that regard. So how did you get into meditation? Why did you start? How long have you been doing that?
Joe [00:06:06] It Cor it's been a long time, so I'll say. I think a lot of this came out through work and the people I was working with probably starting to almost 12 years ago ish, maybe 11 and some of my first clients I was when I broke into this marketing space, started doing blogging and some content stuff with good friend of mine, old business partner named Matt Wolfe, who is now gone off into the AI world and blown it up there on YouTube. Find him and great guy. I'll be seeing him next week. It's it's we still stay in touch and but the point is like we we started in this content phase but then I always had a knack for visuals putting like like giving feedback to you, like some color in their lawn, like your background, everything vibrance you are as well. Like you have a And that was so vibrant. So it's like that. Well, that changed up and it looks great. And, but I always had a knack for like, things should look pretty nice. So that would come through graphic design, video design or editing. And I would work with a lot of the personal development folks. The space in San Diego got connected with a bunch of these people locally here, and I just started making videos for them and different promotional videos, sales videos. So inherently that would have me learn what the heck this product is. They're trying to sell with their with their product launch. And some of those people I became business partners with, or at least I would do a lot of these launches. So it'd be like every six months they would have a new product or launch. And inherently I like got to be knowledgeable enough. So I'd try some of the techniques. So a lot of meditation, breathwork, visualization, affirmations like all those, that stuff was always big then. So I wouldn't say I had a regiment for something specifically until recently with that checklist, so really keeps me on point then. Accountability partners help too.
Lauren [00:08:01] Yeah, Accountability partners. Huge, huge.
Joe [00:08:05] Yeah. Like minded people that can that you can be speak freely to and with and then also at the same time hold you accountable. You know your check ins make sure you're doing what you say you want to do is Yeah yeah it's yeah but breathwork I would say meditation and breath work. And when I say that Wim Hof technique is the one specifically that I love because it moves everything, it frees my brain up. I do it in the morning, ideally, or feel sluggish, you know, And yeah, that's meditative. It's different than just sitting and being. Yeah, but so.
Lauren [00:08:42] Yeah, yeah it there are whatever resonates, whatever it is that resonates with you, it all works. Yeah, yeah.
Joe [00:08:50] Yeah.
Lauren [00:08:51] Definitely. So you and your partner Matt broke up. That has to have I mean, it's like a marriage. I mean.
Joe [00:08:59] It was, you know.
Lauren [00:08:59] Certain certain things like that just throw you for a loop. Yeah, you. That's a big pivot. We have to pivot in life.
Joe [00:09:06] Massive pivot. Yeah. Because he was the one that I met through some mutual friends when we were in bands at the time. We actually never played in the same band in rock bands. It was in college and stuff. Ended up working at his family's shuttered company. So like Window Shutters, they would manufacture those. And I just learned how to how they operate a business As a small, small business. I was like, This is cool. I didn't know much about entrepreneurship before that. I knew I wanted to do something in like the career job just wasn't really a jam. But yeah, Matt was there and that's where him and I experimented on the off hours or the hours we complete other work. We'd be, you know, always researching like, what does this make money online or how do we whatever, like market something online, you know, because we got this. It was a Robert Kiyosaki book, The Rich Dad, Poor Dad. But the purple book was like that completely shifted both of our brains and like, okay, yeah, got to get out of a dollar per hour garbage. Like, that's not that's not it. That's not for you, too. So yeah, it was kind of a mindset shifted at that point. Matt was always there. We created a lot together over the years, but honestly, it was last year, late last year, where it was the tipping point. And for that, you know, we pivoted our business a handful of times and I think he's a little lack of this. We weren't on the same path with the vision. As much as we were in the past. I think naturally, you know, we're getting interest in different ways. He wanted to go to some other ways, like honestly, like what he's doing now, creating content, being a lot more solo, tinkering around with tools and teaching, which is great at what he does now. And he's doing it very well. It's paying him. For me, I've always worked really well with people like collaborated to create, give, strategy, provide resources. Sometimes it's the doing of it too, but ideally a lot less of that. This is leverage for me. But yeah, is that I do that more now and talking I essentially get paid to talk, which is pretty cool. I've engineered that. But the breakup part was it was it was more looking at like I was almost starting to go on a ride a little longer on a path that I wasn't choosing. And I was just I was writing the numbers. How much time of it's been on it? My energy was not feeling good is now. I'm very clear that there's a time thing You can value your time and you can value your energy and you know, there's a type of energy you're putting out into the world. And if it's not good energy, dark energy in her, yeah, it's probably not going to be received well by anyone around you. So that's where, you know, I mentioned anger and kind of this like tightness had panic attack feelings last year, like around, I would say like September ish. That's when I was like, holy moly, this is not good. You know, it's taken me out of my it was just too much of a go, go, go is separate from the family. There's a lot of things that were just like, this isn't what I signed up for. And I just had to cut it off. Like after I literally got like so clear with the numbers, so dollar per hour, but then the energy and then it was just very objective and I had to spell that out in the Slack message. Actually, it wasn't like a and there was we always communicated. We had a partner, separate one. I just had to spell it out in like black and white, like, okay, here's what it is. It's not normally how I would approach things, but this one. That's what made me feel clear. It was clear for him and it worked out honestly, and I think it was for the best for him, too, because he ended up pivoting, you know, after after that, little after. Can't speak for him on that on that side of things.
Lauren [00:12:51] Yeah. No, of course not. Well, you talk about the 8020 rule that I know. It sounds so good the way the maximum happiness with minimal effort like that sounds that that was in. That's how it was written in the episode your your 8020 because you mentioned that a lot.
Joe [00:13:09] Yeah. I think that's just a it's a smart framework. It's that paradox principle. You know it's it's what is it? 20% of your efforts basically gives you 80% of your results. So, I mean, with that in mind, now, even more than ever, I'd say your happiness comes from your habits and your choices internally to take a stand for yourself. I think before that you've got to observe and actually understand what the heck it is that you're doing and, you know, are not doing. And just like trying to be a witness of your actions as much as possible. And, you know, you could do things like auditing your time or auditing your energy at a guy did Martelle on my podcast recently, and he has this whole system for auditing those two for like two weeks. And then he can kind of get a glimpse of like, Oh, where is my self? Like, where am I taking myself? And the other 8020? I think if you especially the habits establishing for me it's about ten core daily habits. I'm not 100% on them at all, but with the consistency of sleep, push ups, hydration, you know, working out things like that, journaling, it's kind of hitting all the points that allow expression to happen or energy to even express like working out sweat, like it's good for our brains, movement, energy, that's the 8020. It's still a lot of work, but I feel like it's it's the work for yourself. Got to start with you first, and then I feel like everything else just kind of falls into place if you don't hold on to it or put expectations out there too much.
Lauren [00:14:43] Yeah, well, I'm a firm believer if you journal and meditate and move your body, all those things, everything else flows from there. That's what I mean. It just. It just does. And even if it's 5 minutes of journaling, like it doesn't have to be, you know, three full page, it could be a paragraph, but just anything, you.
Joe [00:15:01] Let it out. Yeah, I think that's a big thing. David Allen on the podcast long time ago and he created the Getting Things Done system. He wrote a book, I mean it's massively popular book and ran for president at one time, but like the big thing was to call it the inbox, but basically brain dump everything in your mind and just that alone. Talk about 8020 of the GTD system brain dumping your brain. It was advice I gave to my wife, Heather, actually, because for a while she was just sharing so many plans and systems and reminders and things in her brain. I was like, okay, you need a piece of paper and you need to write it all down. You'll feel better.
Lauren [00:15:43] So how did you get from being a workaholic? This is for you to someone who's a bit more chill and can take off. Days and spend with your family.
Joe [00:15:55] And it was. I would say my wife, Heather, is a big proponent or the one that has allowed me to see that. I think I started that way before. Like, I always had that chill kind of go with the flow vibe. And then it got a little tighter and a little more, you know, like. And I think that was with with my partner, Matt. But then doing all of these things that I felt like I wasn't really totally aligned with or just felt like, I don't know. Like it was just a little bit too much. That's where I started to get a little tighter. And through Heather's progression, which is nice because, like, we co-create kind of like co-producers, you know, and that's one of the episodes or two of them maybe.
Lauren [00:16:39] It's like, never really go. Yeah.
Joe [00:16:41] Yeah. There's it's awesome to have a partner. And we always have been interested in what each other are doing. We're able to genuinely talk about stuff, the hard stuff or going through stuff in business life. Yeah. Am I always open and receptive? No, not always. Kind of. I am humans, but at the same time, like she's always reminding me, you know, be nice to my Joey is what she says specifically and like, Yeah. And I knew her when I was still called Joey actually, in middle school. I don't know if she told you that once.
Lauren [00:17:12] She did.
Joe [00:17:13] Yeah. Okay. So she could see that. Oh, yeah. Now, like those little reminders and like, even, like a day like today where I'm doing for podcast the fourth, you know, didn't really eat much today, but I did that on purpose because I feel like it keeps my brain actually on more nuts like it. But like, Heather just kind of laughs at me and she's like Iraq and, you know, and like, she knows I'm doing a lot, but at the same time, I'm not like, frantic at all. I feel like it's just kind of the habits are there enough to where I'm like baseline neutral. I'm not feeling all like fucked up emotionally or whatever. There's a lot to do, a lot to go on, but it's all good, you know? And I don't know.
Lauren [00:17:55] Somebody who hasn't aligned with what they feel like they should be doing. And they know they need to make a shift, but they're not. They're scared. What would you tell them?
Joe [00:18:06] If they're scared, you got to address it. And that's the hardest thing, is. Yeah, it's. Things open up once you once you realize what you have been neglecting or maybe not looking at in your life. And sometimes, you know, a really horrible event maybe forces you to look at it. You know, it could be whatever. I mean, we've all had the dark days, the dark nights. I mean, I could talk about those. I lost my dad to suicide. That was a massive awakening point. And then I had my daughter, our four year old, now almost two weeks after that point. So it was like, well, it was slow. And then another high is high that we worked ever like six, seven years. I think at that point. So yeah, those were like big smacks across my face. And then there were others actually, right in succession along with that. So. The last leg, I would say, Lauren, the last four years, four and a half have been like some of the wildest eye opening. Dragged through the mud years of my life where it was just insane. Yeah, but I would never change anything because I learned so much. I confronted a lot of those things, like through journaling. There's a a self authoring program. It's called by Jordan Peterson. And you love what he does or not take for what it is. The process works. It's fabulous. And it's not any. It's just so black and white. It's like essentially addressing your past and just reliving it enough to like, All right, what are the things that keeping you stuck like? You know, and it's really not until you work through these things like those patterns, the things, the moments in your life that are probably conditioned, you definitely conditioned you to where you're at right now. And if you're not aware of them, then just keep happening. Yeah, Not.
Lauren [00:20:03] Necessary. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're if you don't know what those are or even just your limiting beliefs.
Joe [00:20:09] Oh, it's all there. Yeah.
Lauren [00:20:10] Yeah.
Joe [00:20:11] It, it's wild when you get, you just you, you like. Yeah. Feels great. Or at least neutral again.
Lauren [00:20:16] I just, I just in the episode I just recorded, I was talking about if it's hysterical, it's historical. Like if you have some really a much stronger emotional reaction to something that's going on, even if it's just. Something your partner said. It's probably not what he or she or they said it's probably something from your past. You have regrets?
Joe [00:20:37] Yeah. The way it's historical. Yeah. Because it's going back. Yeah.
Lauren [00:20:42] Yeah. Some buttons and some button was installed a long time ago. Like, they hit that button and they didn't install it. You know, it's something you got to work out. Surgery.
Joe [00:20:52] Yeah, you do. And and I think the biggest thing is forgiveness is to not put that weight on yourself. And, you know, like, these are my dad. I'll just say immediately I started seeing all the patterns and the things that I think led him to that point. I don't have the answers to that, so I can only pontificate. But at the same time, and that's okay, I think I'm pretty accurate in that like he actually stopped doing a lot of things that made him have like he was an avid runner. He would play guitar and sing in bands or just so he'd write songs, actually have a song right now in front of me, handwritten from him that I still want to actually as he wrote like the chords and the in the Yeah, everything. So it's pretty cool that you stopped doing that. He stopped cooking. He loved all that. So there's certain things that just made him him and yeah, he it didn't take long. It took like a year ish to like, really have, I think, to a point where he became impulsive. Probably something triggered and just went down to the dark place. And I, I looked up a stat today. I was talking to the longevity doctor, Dr. Savage, who will come out on my podcast pretty soon. And we're talking about this is he even has experience like he's had some of these moments too. And he was like, look up the stat on entrepreneurs with suicide rate and it's pretty scary. I don't think I saw the suicide rate, but I saw like the diagnosed because he was like, this got diagnosed or else we don't have a stat. It was like 72% of entrepreneurs experienced some type of deep depression or depression, whereas like people who are not entrepreneurs are about it's like 48%. I think it is still high. You know.
Lauren [00:22:42] It's the whole that's it ties in with the whole loneliness factor of people being alone or. Here we are, we're on Zoom. We're and we think, oh yeah, we were connected in this that we're not, it's not the same as physically being with other people and texting isn't the same and and that we have to be together. I accumulated all my messages of hope and from talking to elders, which is how this all started as me talking to elders about what's the meaning of life? Why are we here? It was my soul search. And the number one thing is community. We have to physically be together. Besides the love and service, which is number two, we're helping others, which I think a lot of entrepreneurs do. But if we're not together physically, we don't get that community. And so loneliness is huge. But you have to tell somebody and you have to be aware that you're lonely. And that's true. And do you remember that stat from undergrad where, like, it might have changed, but the most susceptible to suicide and severe depression were single elderly, retired military men?
Joe [00:23:49] Oh, I believe it. I have heard something like.
Lauren [00:23:51] Because they will tell anybody. Yeah.
Joe [00:23:54] Old school, right?
Lauren [00:23:56] Yeah, right. Like no.
Joe [00:23:58] It was taboo. Or just like with military. I mean, let's be honest. That's why it is such an issue. It's horrific stuff. A lot of them gone through and.
Lauren [00:24:06] You know, and they would never tell anyone like some 80 year old retired military man who's all by himself. He would never say, oh, I'm lonely.
Joe [00:24:13] No backyard. No, that's good. I'm tough. Yeah, right you are. But ah, and you're still grieving and sad. I forgive. Forgive yourself for whatever action or inaction you're you're experiencing right now because it's okay. It's. Yeah, life's pretty damned tough, but at the same time, it doesn't have to be so tough when you're like when you're taking control of what you should be doing for yourself, you know, it's.
Lauren [00:24:42] Well, you create a lot of community down in San Diego, just and you talk about creating community. Do you want to give some suggestions and ideas? Because maybe there's something people listening, Oh, I would love to do this. Yeah, they want to start a podcast. I don't know if they want to start a podcast. They should party contact you.
Joe [00:24:58] Yeah.
Lauren [00:24:59] Part of that is helping people and we'll have links to everything that Joe does. But besides that, as far as starting community, you're so good at creating community.
Joe [00:25:09] Thank you. I mean, I feel like that is a superpower of mine and it wasn't until later when I have, you know, my wife Heather, would tell me her friends like does do like you bring people together, you know, before the pandemic, all the COVID stuff. Like I would always want to have parties here at the house or wherever gathering. And it was me curating the people I wanted to hang out with. And that's literally what I do on my podcast every day. And I know the impact of that when I curate the right people in this. My virtual community online through the podcast is I know that's gonna have a ripple effect. So who I bring on is going to influence the message that's told to the listener, to their family, to their clients, a greater community. It's like, not until I realize that I'm like, Holy crap. Like, I have such a responsibility here to create the right people to deliver that message. So I do that through the podcast. Does create community there. I know it a good thing and you're part of that. So thank you very much. But then in person and also, you know, I've done many Meetup events, like there's a lot of different styles. I've done those and usually it's with other people. I love to co-create masterminds as well, even one in January. And that's, that's a co-created thing. So I love figuring it out with someone else because I think there's way more power in that. And you know, you're just going to get a wider, you know, color of people, basically all, all different walks of life coming in. And I think that's what's cool to share perspectives. But then, like what I notice with like house parties, for instance, everybody's going to want to talk with you, or at least they're going to know that you're the one that connected maybe to new friends. And like, you're that kind of line that goes in between that and they're going to remember probably the place, the time you are all the above. And I think that's when I realized and we wow, connecting people and being deliberate and and bringing community together. Like, it's actually more than just like, hey, let's have a party at my place. You know, that's it's actually like, no, you're, you're selecting community to bring to other people that may may or may not know each other but you're creating experiences. I mean, it could be over like drinks, whatever. Or it could be, you know, a mastermind where we're actually helping each other out to whatever grow over what we're up to. So community is huge, though. You need the connection. And you're right. Like, I feel like there's a separation of a lot of people right now, and I think that's changing for some people. I think that's becoming more aware. But people are still awkward and don't want to go out or too expensive, and which is all true in some regards. But at the same time, it's like, well, we're still human, you know, and don't let politics, all the world stuff, all that external get in a way because still have the human experience that you can't let go and replace it with our phones or Instagram or whatever, though.
Lauren [00:28:11] Is definitely not. And we cannot hold space for each other no matter what's going on. Yeah, sure.
Joe [00:28:17] Yeah.
Lauren [00:28:17] So what's the hardest challenge that you've gone through and how did you get through it?
Joe [00:28:22] Oh, it's definitely losing my dad. I would say that and I don't go deep into story, but at the same time it's, it's this feeling of that like an early was middle school. My parents divorced and I feel like that was the point when I felt more responsibility than I was ready for because he moved out. I was essentially told I was the man of the house at that point, like, Oh, cool, Grace. I was totally ready for that one. No. But yeah, And then I feel like that made it for confusion era, you know, middle school, high school, figuring myself out. It wasn't until, you know, band life is like, oh, now expressing myself and not really holding back because I was shy, even or not before practice. Podcasts helped play, music helped and but the hardest part, I would say was, yeah, my, my dad. And realizing like those patterns not to give kind of like the same answer as before, but really like realizing because that gap from like middle school to when he passed like ended up moving away, went to the East Coast. I'm out in San Diego and yeah so there was a separation there wasn't that dad support he kind of became more friend like, you know like a good friend. So that wasn't the I mean, that's not the relationship I wanted. I think everyone should have a father figure of sorts, a mentor, someone to help guide them. And I felt like it was almost opposite in a lot of ways. So that felt a little weird too. And yeah, losing him, then it was like, Holy crap. Like all these patterns that I wasn't totally aware of that he inadvertently passed down to me and I'm now being like a holy crap moment, seeing all of these different things that for one, you know, at first I was like, How else could he do that, you know? Little resentment, all that whole processing stuff, and then realizing, no, he was a good man. He was a great man. He did his best, as everyone does. They just wasn't aware of some patterns that were likely given to him through however, conditioning. We all got that. I think this is where I really realized patterns and understood. Holy crap. Yeah. Childhood trauma like they did fostering as well. So like we fostered some kids and I understood then like how much of an imprint period that is when you have a kid, especially us, like four days out of the NIC, you be like, Holy shit. That's a lot of responsibility. And that kid's going to walk throughout life with what we imprint her with. And and that's how I just know, as my dad did for me. So honestly, it's, it's being aware of that and then working through it because I didn't want to pass negative stuff to my kids, you know, and. Breaking the chain. That's that's pretty tough.
Lauren [00:31:16] Yeah, definitely. But what incredible work you've done.
Joe [00:31:21] Thank you.
Lauren [00:31:22] Yeah, I.
Joe [00:31:22] Know it's not.
Lauren [00:31:23] Done. No, I know. It's always telling The Onion, you know, it's like it's. I think it's a lifetime challenge.
Joe [00:31:30] It is. And at the same time, I would never have it any other way. Like, I mean, I feel like that's so cliche, but it's so true. That's like, what made up life and a lot of external stuff I can't control. So I was about.
Lauren [00:31:42] To say this. No choice. Yeah.
Joe [00:31:44] Well, there's a book recently with some doctor. It's guy. Yeah, I was written about, like there's no free will at the end of the day, like. Which, you know, he makes an interesting argument. It.
Lauren [00:31:55] If you didn't, you could get into a whole thing. I mean, know this race whether to work on ourselves or not and how deep we can work on ourselves. Or we could just do Netflix all day, I guess, instead.
Joe [00:32:05] And that is.
Lauren [00:32:06] That's. Yeah, that's very well. Is it it.
Joe [00:32:09] I think that is. Yeah. And then you're still going to have life imposing its own will on you. Yeah. Control. And that's kind of the point he's making.
Lauren [00:32:17] I think I'm. I'm sure this.
Joe [00:32:19] Yeah, I know. It's.
Lauren [00:32:20] It's a very.
Joe [00:32:21] Interesting topic, but it.
Lauren [00:32:22] Is. It could lead.
Joe [00:32:24] You to like. Oh, that's great. I don't have to worry about so much. Or it's like, Oh, this is meaningless. But it's like, yeah.
Lauren [00:32:30] It's all right. How are you? I know I don't have to work.
Joe [00:32:34] Yeah, that's some people's thought. Yeah.
Lauren [00:32:37] Yeah. I don't think that's anybody listening or I don't do this.
Joe [00:32:41] No.
Lauren [00:32:42] Definitely not. Do you have a message I hope you want to give?
Joe [00:32:46] Oh, I feel like we're exactly where we are supposed to be. And I fully believe that it takes time to understand that and. And maybe slow down enough to see that. And that goes through doing the work on yourself. And really a lot of what we were talking like, uncover your past and uncover those things that where you feel like your mind just wants to go to you all the time and think, Oh, what is that all about? You know, it's like, yeah, our minds are powerful machines, but also let's be present and try to take in what it is that we want to focus on. You know, and I think that's understanding and believing that where we're at right now is perfectly fine. It's totally good. And we have the choice and enough choice to make the choice, like I said, almost and beginning, it's like an action or inaction and do it in a way that's balanced or or harmonious.
Lauren [00:33:41] Yeah, right, Right. Yeah. The harmony. Harmony.
Joe [00:33:44] Yeah. And it should be because like or you can call it flow or whatever it is, but like, you could still be that a player, a driver, you know, a type person. But let's be honest, we all have enough, you know, 24 hours and 24 hours. But it's like, how are you going to use it then? Also, how do you apply the energy? Is it light energy? Are you feeling good and expressing? And is that received? Or is it dark where it's like, yeah, it we shouldn't be doing that. Or maybe, you know, get someone else to do that, automated delegate it, kill it, fix it, stop doing it now. So. Yeah.
Lauren [00:34:20] I love that. It's so good.
Joe [00:34:23] Yeah. Thank you. I love where you go in here. Lauren too, with because it's like we talked about this in the in the chats that we've had, you know, the one on ones and stuff. And it's like, this is definitely a thing right now where, you know, just slowing down a little bit enough to pause and because would be on us when we step away from things, that's when things kind of come together. You know, the right things attach. As long as you're, you know, you're you're settled enough to receive those those messages. So.
Lauren [00:34:53] Yeah, answers emerge in the past.
Joe [00:34:56] That's it. I like that, too. Ain't that the truth? Yeah.
Lauren [00:34:59] Yeah, definitely. Is there anything else I should ask you that I didn't ask? You will be done. You'll be like. Lauren didn't ask me this.
Joe [00:35:06] I don't think so. Because I know you did your research in and this hit on the core of what? I wanted to get out here anyway. And because I genuinely think the patterns, knowing yourself and be open to working through that stuff and there's tools out there. I mentioned the self bothering tool journaling, just a notebook, but focusing on what are those things in your past that are holding you, whatever, however way it's holding you back, or maybe, you know, stopping you from taking that next step, it's clear through it. It's going to be tough, but then it's quickly not going to be tough anymore.
Lauren [00:35:43] Yeah, you know.
Joe [00:35:44] But it feels good. Yeah. So little sugar.
Lauren [00:35:47] Yeah. Yeah. Thank you so much for being a guest today. I'm 52 weeks out.
Joe [00:35:53] Thank you, Lauren. And thank you for listening.
Lauren [00:35:55] I hope you enjoyed this week's episode and take with you the messages of compassion, expression and honesty. Such fulfilling messages to take into your week ahead. Be sure to share the episode with your friends and to rate and review the podcast so more people feel less alone in the overwhelm and to remember to pause. Answers emerge in the pause, and instead of adding to your to do list, how about a to don't list? If you're interested in starting a podcast or just using the us to accelerate or expand your business, Joe has Business Podcast Accelerator program starting where you can harness the power of podcasting to grow your brand, business and community. There's a link for it in the show notes and on the website with all the links to everything Joe is talking about. Listed below in the show notes are in the description of what the podcast is about. Be sure to tune in next week when we're talking about what is your best life look like. It's a super empowering episode, allowing you to feel more authentic and focused again. You do get to align with who you really want to be and do those things you really want to do. You'll love this episode next week. It's so good. This is a show for burnt out, overachieving type airs and unlike other shows for burnt out overachievers only we take you off the hamster wheel by ditching your to do list for the to do list. Until next week. I'm Lauren Abrams. Thanks for listening.