Raising Strong Girls: Healing Your Triggers and Positive Role Modeling with Chelsey Goodan
Tired of battling your inner critic? Are you ready to heal your emotional triggers and be a stronger role model for the young women in your life? Join Chelsey Goodan, author of Underestimated, as she shares her refreshing approach to empowering teenage girls with host Lauren Abrams.
“I love teenage girls because they can just like cut through the truth so fast.” – Chelsey, (2:34)
Discover how to transform negative self-talk into kindness and empowerment. Chelsey's mentoring approach helps teenage girls tap into their inner power and navigate life's challenges.
In this enlightening episode, learn about the importance of connecting with teenage girls, holding space for their emotions, and the transformative power of self-awareness.
“Often when we try to teach a teenage girl something, she receives it as criticism and judgment.” – Chelsey, (3:50)
Gain insights into teenage life, including the pressures of sexuality, fashion, and people-pleasing. Chelsey shares practical strategies for effective communication and empowering yourself and the teenage girls in your life.
“Any ounce or judgment it feels, it hits as shame, and it has lasting ramifications, and we do need to be incredibly mindful about how we talk with girls about how they start exploring sexuality.” – Chelsey, (13:32).
Get ready for an inspiring conversation that will leave you empowered and equipped to support the teenage girls in your life.
“Let yourself be weird and embrace that.” Chelsey, (24:44)
In this episode:
(1:59) – How Chelsey’s book helps you.
(2:37) – All about teenage girls and honesty.
(2:41) – The secret of connecting with teenage girls.
(2:45) Being radically honest with teenage girls and connecting.
(3:21) – How to not react when triggered.
(4:15) – How to connect with teenage girls.
(4:34) – Stereotyping of teenage girls.
(4:44) – Negative effects of stereotyping of teenage girls.
(5:00) – Holding space for teen girls’ feelings.
(5:21) – The power of listening to teenage girls.
(5:47) – How to empower teenage girls.
(6:33) – Giving solutions to teenage girls vs this alternative.
(7:11) – Adults and suppressing feelings.
(7:51) – Power of naming your feelings.
(9:39) – People pleasing.
(10:18) – Teenage girls and putting others' needs before theirs.
(10:40) – The pressure on girls to be perfect and likeable.
(12:48) – Teenage girls and the exploration of their sexuality.
(13:26) – Teenage girls and their relationship with clothes and sexuality.
(14:10) – Women, gender-based violence, and the role men play in stopping it.
(16:31) – How to phrase things to teen girls.
(17:13) – Affirming teenage girls.
(18:12) – A book journey.
(18:20) – The writing process.
(19:20) – The power of being you in writing.
(20:10) – Overcoming obstacles.
(20:47) – Self-exploration journeys.
(21:28) – Sexual pain.
(22:44) – Volunteering and mentoring work.
Resources and Links
52 Weeks of Hope
About Chelsey Goodan
Chelsey Goodan creates psychological safety for everyone from teenage girls to CEOs. As a keynote speaker, Chelsey teaches communication strategies that make everyone feel seen, heard, understood, valued, and celebrated. With entertaining ease, Chelsey shares unexpected tools she learned from teenage girls that directly translate to the workplace. Chelsey customizes her talks for parents, students, and corporate audiences, while also giving speeches to high-profile nonprofits, supporting causes that promote gender justice. Her expertise is sought after by highly influential families, and she also donates time to girls in underserved communities. Empowerment workshops for teenage girls and adult coaching for adults and parents are some of her most useful tools. When it comes to teaching, Chelsey has taught her curriculum in a wide array of settings including colleges, online programs, summer camps, and Mastermind conferences.
Chelsey Goodan Links & Socials
If You Have a Teenage Girl in Your Life, You Need to Read This: A Book Excerpt on Oprah Daily
Chelsey Goodan’s UNDERESTIMATED: The Wisdom And Power Of Teenage Girls:
https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Underestimated/Chelsey-Goodan/9781668032688
Chelsey Goodan - Instagram
Chelsey Goodan - Twitter
Chelsey Goodan – Linkedin.com
Chelsey Goodan - TikTok
If you're a struggling teenage girl or you know one who is struggling, this podcast is for you! In this week's episode, author and speaker Chelsey Goodan joins Lauren Abrams to reveal:
The power of teenage girls that lies within
How listening can build authentic connections with teenage girls
Why giving them space matters
The magic of allowing them to solve their problems
If you’re ready to:
Heal teenage girls
Build strong women
Stem the tide of gender-based violence
Explore and debunk teenage girl stereotypes
…then this episode is for you!
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Chelsey Goodan [00:00:00] Let yourself be weird and embrace that. People often think of weirdness as a bad thing, and I have just seen it as this portal into your authenticity. So often, the more you can just like shed the shoulds of what you should look like, should do, you should say and just be like, wait, no, that's the weird thing I do, and that's what I am like and own it, the more you'll step into your power and voice.
Lauren Abrams [00:00:24] Are you a burnt-out overachiever buried in responsibilities? Is your inner critic going nonstop? Do you miss laughing with your friends just laughing from the gut? Do you feel like life's passing you by? If you've been wishing for some kind of shift, you're in the right place. Welcome to 52 Weeks of Hope, the show where we take you off the hamster wheel by ditching your to-do list for the to don’t list. This is where you get to learn how to make that lonely ache vanish. Learn self-compassion techniques and to give yourself grace. I'm Lauren Abrams and I can help you feel that magic again. Since going through my own dark night of the soul so you can learn from my experience and the mentors and experts I meet along the way. And today we're talking to bestselling author and your teenage girls empowerment person, Chelsey Goodan. Are you sick and tired of that negative self-talk? Are you ready to reframe your inner dialogue and self-judgment into compassion, loving-kindness, and empowerment? Do you think your negative voice began when you were younger? Listen right now and learn tools to understand and empower not just you, but also any and all young girls you know. The amazing author of the new bestseller underestimated the wisdom and Power of Teenage Girls. Welcome to 52 weeks of Hope, Chelsey.
Chelsey Goodan [00:01:36] Thank you. I'm so happy to be here. Thank you.
Lauren Abrams [00:01:39] Yeah. And your book, as soon as I started reading, I couldn't stop. I was instantly taken. And I actually love your dedication rate. I wrote this down. I dedicate this book to all the girls who profoundly expanded my mind and heart, helping to heal the teenage girl inside of me and I love that. And I felt like I related and you start that with like, they just want to be listened to. And I feel like we all want to be listened to, but it starts.
Chelsey Goodan [00:02:08] I learned more from the girls than I ever taught them, that is for sure. And this book is very much me being their microphone, their portal for what they want to say to the world.
Lauren Abrams [00:02:19] What do they want to say there? I guess they're all unique.
Chelsey Goodan [00:02:23] But I mean, yes, the book, you know, is organized by the different chapters of kind of issues they struggle with, but all of us struggle with because, like you just said, these wounds that we deal with happen usually originate from our teenage years, and we carry them into adulthood. So these chapters are like perfection, self-doubt, people pleasing, shame, you know, beauty, the things we're all still dealing with.
Lauren Abrams [00:02:45] And I love how you address how you don't stuff it down. You start it with like just they want to scream and shout and it's why they hit right in there like a pressure point right there. You're exactly what makes you want to just go.
Chelsey Goodan [00:02:59] It's their ability, their affinity for radical honesty. I love seeing these girls because they can just, like, cut through the truth so fast. And that's actually kind of a secret of connecting with them, is that if you're radically honest with them, then it really opens up, real connection.
Lauren Abrams [00:03:15] Right? But you have to do it in the right way, which you actually, I love your appendix because you have a list of the right ways and right phrases to use, like, this book is great, so let's delve into it. I have so many different questions like how to write the book and how you like. Plenty of people want to write a book and know things, but this is so chock full of information we can all use. So how do we not react when we've our buttons have been pushed past this question?
Chelsey Goodan [00:03:44] I guess I should retire.
Lauren Abrams [00:03:45] I had my daughter, who's now great they.
Chelsey Goodan [00:03:48] Yeah. So that charge that you feel when that a teenage girl just pokes and likes you and there's a reactivity. Right. So a lot of the book is about like looking within and going and healing and dealing with where that trigger started for you so that you can truly come to your teenage daughter with an open heart, with curiosity, meeting her exactly where she's at with no secret agenda, with no judgment, no shame. And it can be subtle. Like when we try to teach a girl something, often she receives it as criticism and judgment. And so it's it's really how do we let go of that agenda. Right. And that's something that is a person's own work to do. And so as much as everyone wants me to be like, this is how you fix the girls, right? My the premise of my book is like, the girl is good. Like if you actually just love her exactly the way she is, not connect with her. It's it's really like find your own healing within this, this dialog.
Lauren Abrams [00:04:48] So when they're screaming and slamming the doors and I hate you and all of that, it's just like, okay, that's just my I've been there I first that sorry.
Chelsey Goodan [00:04:59] And. Love to be stereotyped or their big feelings, and they are stereotyped as emotional and crazy and dramatic and all these really negative words. And it's to me, it's done a disservice. And if anything has created more reactivity. Right. Like, it just it's a cycle. It feeds on itself. And what my you know, I, I've worked with hundreds of girls. Now it's thousands of hours of just that one-on-one time with them, as an academic tutor and a mentor. And, and that what I've learned is just the act of holding space for their feelings. And I know we've all come in here in the term holding space, and some might roll their eyes and so on. But what has happened is that people love to come in quickly, advise, fix, slap positivity, and tell the girl what the solution would be for their problem. And when I just listen and I'm like, yeah, that sucks. You know, like when in it's big, like it's negative feelings to you. She's really grumpy and that about something. And I'm like, yeah, that sounds awful. I get why you're mad. Then what I see happen is she relaxes and is like, oh, thanks for just listening. Like no one understood me. Like she just feels understood by just the act of listening. And then I love to empower her agency and choice in this situation. I love to be like, well, what do you think the solution is here? Like, how would you like to handle it? And I do it in a real, truly judgment-free, agenda-free kind of tone. And that's when a girl has said, like, wait, why don't you trust me with this choice and these thoughts? And like, she has to look within herself and be like, wait, what do I think about this? How should I handle it? And it's a beautiful empowerment space.
Lauren Abrams [00:06:35] It is. And they are really creative and amazingly brilliant and able to come up with really, great solutions.
Chelsey Goodan [00:06:45] Yeah, usually better than the one I, you know.
Lauren Abrams [00:06:48] Absolutely. Because we have our own agendas of what we think is right.
Chelsey Goodan [00:06:51] But I was going to say too, when they come up with their own solution, they're more likely to make it work too because it's their idea. And so they want it to work out. Whereas if you give them a solution and it doesn't work, then they just blame you anyway, and then they don't really learn from the mistake. So see, they do come up with a solution that doesn't work out. Also, that is a good thing because they're learning from whatever mistake it was and they own it because it was their choice in the first place. So then they better own the learning process too. Whereas if something you told them to do doesn't work out, then they're like, well, whatever, you told me to do it and they're not even learning from it.
Lauren Abrams [00:07:25] Then it's like I always ask people, well, what fills you with joy? What really makes you happy and fills you with joy because you know your own answers?
Chelsey Goodan [00:07:33] Yeah, I would think that. I believe adults have big feelings too. We've just gotten really good at stuffing and repressing and containing, and they all come out some way or another and midlife crisis like, why are.
Lauren Abrams [00:07:45] We call called a bitch? You know, it's like girls are called bitches. And, you know.
Chelsey Goodan [00:07:48] There's all this societal structure that really judges women of show any type of emotion. Yeah, it's.
Lauren Abrams [00:07:55] Yeah. oh. She's got feelings. Now watch out. I know, like we're supposed to. I didn't grow up knowing how I felt. I talk about this a lot on here. We didn't. Everything was fine. So I mean, it's Google feelings chart. I saw you had a feelings wheel in the appendix. What is it? Feelings? Well, I think I thought that was brilliant.
Chelsey Goodan [00:08:13] And that's because of what I just did when working with the girl. I mean, you know, a lot of research to support just naming a feeling that helps you feel it and actually process it through you. Absolutely not. Just a simple solution. And I have a pretty good vocabulary. And I still honestly, when I was still just starting to experience my feelings for the first time, I was also like, dad, they worry that I don't know why it's yeah, but. And the way the wheel works is the basics are in the center of the wheel, and then it stands out off of the different categories. And when you land, I remember the day I landed on disappointed, I was like, oh my gosh, that's how I feel. And I had I didn't realize how powerful the emotion of disappointment makes you really gut-wrenching. And when I actually acknowledged that, I felt disappointment could sit with it, could sit in the discomfort of it, but process and then get it out of my system.
Lauren Abrams [00:09:05] And it's.
Chelsey Goodan [00:09:06] Healing. Yes.
Lauren Abrams [00:09:07] It's so healing. And it's like, oh, name it to and claim it. Yeah, it's an amazing thing. And I was like, wait, why did we learn this? Why don't they teach this in school? Like, wait, teachers are not like.
Chelsey Goodan [00:09:19] Why are we teaching?
Lauren Abrams [00:09:22] Yeah. We need to know this. Okay, so the sitting, giving space for the kids and their feelings and going, oh, that's incredible. And then letting them come up with their own solution like that is that's are huge. I don't have the index. Okay. So your book doesn't come out for two weeks, but by the time this airs it will be out. So I don't have the index handy. I can't just put it on the screen. What a chapter two is.
Chelsey Goodan [00:09:48] So the different chapters on me. So we have that feelings and then choice. And then we go into sexuality perfection, people pleasing.
Lauren Abrams [00:09:56] People pleasing. Oh my gosh, they started that young.
Chelsey Goodan [00:10:00] Oh, my little girl.
Lauren Abrams [00:10:01] Wait, I was going to say that starts before teenage years.
Chelsey Goodan [00:10:04] Well, we teach little girls starting at the minute. They can talk that they need to be likable and pleasing. And, I mean, it's wild how much we ingrain that into them.
Lauren Abrams [00:10:15] Oh my gosh.
Chelsey Goodan [00:10:16] And meanwhile, boys can be little disasters and everyone's just like whatever, you know.
Lauren Abrams [00:10:21] So big boy, that's dad. Oh. So how do they stop doing that? Yeah.
Chelsey Goodan [00:10:26] How does a parent start at a young age with the people pleasing?
Lauren Abrams [00:10:28] No. How do they stop? How do we like? Like what suggestions do given that chapter.
Chelsey Goodan [00:10:34] So I there's a lot of elements. I mean the people pleasing. We know where it's like overly smiling and be like yeah, yeah that's something. But there's also a bigger issue which is putting other people's needs before your own. And so when a girl responds to like, it's fine, it's fine. You know, you're all the time. And you hear women say it all the time. Yeah. Because this is something very much carried into womanhood. And what that means is like, I'm fine, don't worry about my needs. Like, I haven't handled much. Just like I want to make sure the world knows that I'm fine. Because there's such pressure on girls to be perfect and likable. And if you're not fine, then that means maybe you're not those things, and it's much more deep into their core identity. And so what if we allow girls to really check in with their own needs? So like when a girl told me it's fine, and then I'm like, no, no, it's not fine. Like, tell me what's going on. And then she'll usually recount some horrible story to me and I'm like, whoa, that is not fine. That sounds awful. Do you want me to just, like, hold space to, like, hear how like to say how awful that is right now. You can vent about it. And actually letting her know that her needs are important. Because last times a girl's like weight. Really? Like, I can just be upset about this right now and.
Lauren Abrams [00:11:48] Yeah. And then check. Yeah.
Chelsey Goodan [00:11:50] And then it's also teaching her what isn't isn't fine because lots of times they're saying it's fine to some pretty horrible stuff because they just don't seem like they're a problem or causing an issue. And so and then what is that mechanism of a woman or a girl checking in with herself? Like, do you know if we're hosting a dinner party and we're making like ten different dishes because we just want everyone there to be happy. And Carter told her dietary needs and and it's like, do you want it? That sounds really stressful, actually. Like, what if you just made three dishes that bring you joy, like you just said, what actually is going to bring you joy? And then if someone at your dinner party doesn't like it, you're not really your friend anyway. Really? Yeah. And let them go. And just, like, be Frodo, like your own needs. And check in with them.
Lauren Abrams [00:12:32] Yeah, definitely. And again, I'm very big right now. I'm like, take a breath. You don't have to constantly work that hard. You deserve to take that for us. Get off the hamster wheel. Get on the floor. Play with your kids, whatever it is. Laugh with your friends. It's so important. And I think people-pleasing would definitely come into all of that. Okay. Sexuality I mean, we can't just gloss over that because the shaming of girls or the conforming and everything else repressing it, there's just so many different things.
Chelsey Goodan [00:13:07] Right. So they're. Yeah, I mean, they are need space and room to explore this energy that's inside of this, this identity that literally they can't do anything. Right? Right. They're either too sexy or not sexy. I mean, women can't seem to do anything right in this space according to society. And what girls now and what they tell me over is just they get blamed for anything that they do and apparently lost all the responsibilities on their shoulders. Right. As we talk about dress codes, apparently what you know, what teaches a girl is that they are responsible for a boy's inclinations, that that's on their shoulders to manage for a boy, when, of course, it should be all boys responsibility. And it's teaching girls that their body is a threat. That and you know, it's interesting when we talk about clothes, that's a huge identity exploration for a girl, her relationship to her clothes. So any even ounce of judgment, it's it feels, it hits.
Lauren Abrams [00:14:02] As shame.
Chelsey Goodan [00:14:02] And it has lasting ramifications. So we do need to be incredibly mindful about how we talk with girls about how they start exploring and expressing their sexuality at this age. Granted, why everyone tries to control this so intensely is because they want to pretend it's out of an intention to protect, and which is understandable because it's not safe out there. That's right. And that's why I start the chapter actually addressing sexual violence in a big way. And I am personally on the board of a nonprofit called A Call to Men, which is all about getting men behind the cause of ending gender based violence. Because the truth is, if women could have ended it by now, we would have done so right. We do have to turn to the dominant group that's in power here because it's, you know, we've named it violence against women, but it's actually male violence that's causing this. And why why is that? Those are the questions where I want to shift the conversation. You know, like, how could we raise our boys better? Only 11 states currently require in their sex education. Curriculum to teach consent. Only 11 states teach consent. And that explains a lot from teaching was.
Lauren Abrams [00:15:07] What was true? And I'm going to do a blog right now. I'm going to do a plug right now for my friend's book, consent. So okay. Go ahead. Right. Yeah.
Chelsey Goodan [00:15:14] Well, listen, the boys are confused too. I say this compassionately. I'm not trying to like villainize men or boys in any way like we. I'm just trying to put the focus where we need to, rather than girls just bearing the weight of shame and judgment in this space.
Lauren Abrams [00:15:29] Yeah, definitely. It's it's just ridiculous.
Chelsey Goodan [00:15:32] It's hard to I it's not that I don't have compassion for parents navigating this. Yeah. But again, I'm like, kind of positioning myself as an advocate for the girls. Right. Like there's, there's parenting, experts out there too, that, you know, can get into certain other nitty gritties. But like, I'm trying to give the girls a voice right now, and that's what they want to say.
Lauren Abrams [00:15:50] Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Okay, so when you go into the, you call it expanding conversations with teenage girls or any human beings, and you've got all these and I said, it's appendix two. Actually, I printed it out, which I don't like to do very many things out to understand. Like what are your thoughts on that? How do you feel about that? How do I support you with that? I love all the questions. Are there certain questions that are like better than others? But how does that make you feel? It doesn't seem to be the best question to ask. Like, sometimes I'm like, my daughter will correct me, and I don't mean to leave my son out, but you know, this is about girls, so. But should we like you? You did that so wrong. And I'll just say, well, how could I have said that better? Because she seems to know this so much that we.
Chelsey Goodan [00:16:37] Greet you with words. By the way, I've done better than that. I just respects her choice and opinion in that. That's a great. Yeah.
Lauren Abrams [00:16:44] She's always my bestie. She's like, well, you could have said this, right? I'll be like, oh, that's so good. She just was always like, so good at these things that she was young. So are there certain you?
Chelsey Goodan [00:16:53] Yeah. Which point of her advice of her all is to it's phrase everything as a question. Not only again with teenage girls, but just the people in your life because you'll be surprised how often we're like, kind of see it as a statement. And everyone always takes that as like, well, you don't really know what's going on. Like, it creates defense because it's not always accurate to your story. And so when you phrase it as a question like, wait, how are you interpreting that? How are you going to do it with my husband all the time? And when he says something, I'm like, oh, wait, I didn't feel like that. We were legitimately just seen at different ways. And then so with a girl, you're asking what is kind of one of the better questions? I mean, there's a lot in there that are good, but I honestly the most basic is like, what are your thoughts on that? What do you think about that? And I like so because a girl likes to feel the more you can affirm her that she's smart and that her she can trust her thoughts about things is really empowering.
Lauren Abrams [00:17:45] That's so good. Okay, so I of course was looking at your socials and your instant everything. It looks like three years ago you hadn't even written this far, right? It might have been just an idea or something like that. Is that true? No, it's a total of this.
Chelsey Goodan [00:17:59] Miraculous last two years, like basically exactly two years from now. I got the idea.
Lauren Abrams [00:18:05] Now isn't making it.
Chelsey Goodan [00:18:06] Literally rogue, but, you know, got hit with a major publisher with Simon and Schuster, and then it's just exploded, you know, with attention now, recommendations from Oprah Daily, Oprah's Book Club, Reese Witherspoon's company. Hello, sunshine. It's been a while. This right. Yeah.
Lauren Abrams [00:18:20] It really is. So how did you so many people want to write a book? So let's turn to that because people are like, oh, I want to write. Oh, who am I to write it all? The imposter syndrome and all of that kind of stuff that comes up. How have you overcome those things? How did you sit down and just write it?
Chelsey Goodan [00:18:37] Yeah. Well, I think we had some author friends in my life who gave me some good advice and guided me through the process a little bit. But the first point of advice was actually to write, to start writing the book. Hook. And I was in a position where I could just write the proposal first and take it out with an agent. And people tend to do that because you don't want to honestly write a whole book before, you know, you'd rather get paid to do it and so on. But by actually writing the book and I had a first draft before I got my agent, which ended up doubling and changing and stuff like that. But I needed to find out what was inside me, like what was actually the story that needed to be told. And I think if I had tried to pitch it into a proposal prior to doing that, it would have been different because I didn't actually know creatively, organically what was inside me, what story. And so by really honoring that creative flow and also my own authenticity, like it is such a creative authenticity journey, writing a book where the more you can just be vulnerable, tap into what makes you unique. What is your unique story? Don't try to fit in some book writing box or what's normal that will not serve you. The more you can just understand what your uniqueness in the world is and write to that, the more will pop.
Lauren Abrams [00:19:55] Okay, did you go into a writing group or something like that?
Chelsey Goodan [00:19:58] I did have a writing group for just just a few months and that was helpful, just like keeping me on track. I mean, there's definitely like a discipline. Writing a book is a disciplined endeavor. I mean, you really have to set hours. That's something. If you want to write a book like that, it takes really full commitment in your spirit to be disciplined enough to execute it.
Lauren Abrams [00:20:19] What's the hardest challenge that you've gone through and how did you get through it?
Chelsey Goodan [00:20:23] You mean in the book Brain Process or?
Lauren Abrams [00:20:25] No, in your in your life?
Chelsey Goodan [00:20:29] Gel and there's a couple really coming to my brain and wondering what can best serve the, the world right now and and sharing it. You know, I share it in the book and I won't get into like tons of details here, but I actually had pain with sex for most of my life, like for decades. And that was actually a huge reason why I started exploring this topic in general. Because like as a teenager, you're girl and woman in her 20s. It was like, oh yeah, the painful people just like expected and normalized that it might be painful. And that's again, kind of back to that societal squashing we do of a girl's sexuality that we don't permission her to have any idea of pleasure. Like, whereas boys totally in the media, you know, are encouraged to pursue pleasure when not in that sphere. And, so I really went on like a self-discovery journey of my own. That was truly one of the biggest challenges.
Lauren Abrams [00:21:19] In any of your friends tell you it's not supposed to be painful.
Chelsey Goodan [00:21:22] Sure. And I was like.
Lauren Abrams [00:21:24] I just am curious. Like, did you keep.
Chelsey Goodan [00:21:26] There was enough of just like, yeah, I like shrugging the shoulders. I mean, I'd go to doctor's. Oh my gosh, the medical world would just be like, oh, you just need to have another glass of wine and relax. Like, that was advice I got from doctors.
Lauren Abrams [00:21:37] No.
Chelsey Goodan [00:21:38] It's wild. Actual gynaecologists aren't trained in sexual pain like different types of sexual pitch. And so there's a huge amount of, research that still needs to be done around this. Of course, like, you know, there's research about men's sexuality to Viagra, right? But there's not for women. And so it's just starting. I know a lot of the people who are part of this movement. And so I that, you know, to answer the question of the challenge, like on a personal level, it was something connected to my identity and spirit to really get to know that part of yourself, to own that part of yourself is a real exploration and challenge.
Lauren Abrams [00:22:15] Yeah, definitely. Oh that's sad. Look, it.
Chelsey Goodan [00:22:18] Doesn't work on the other side.
Lauren Abrams [00:22:20] Yeah. Nice. And now you always be grateful.
Chelsey Goodan [00:22:22] There's a happy ending to the story I got and figure it out like, a lot. Yeah, I mean that.
Lauren Abrams [00:22:27] Yeah. I probably helped you write the chapter.
Chelsey Goodan [00:22:29] Exactly. I wouldn't have been able to write this chapter had I not gone through it. And now my story can help others.
Lauren Abrams [00:22:36] Yeah. It always. It's the hardest. It's what we get to help others with. And I had, an episode with Doctor Jennifer Berman. That's what she does. She helps people through that. Yeah. So I love that. And you have so many incredible women who have buoyed you and helped you on the journey and are like, you have to read this book. You have the first lady of California. It looks like your parents, you had such a lovely upbringing. It looks like I mean, nobody has a perfect upbringing, but they had you volunteering and you're part of so many.
Chelsey Goodan [00:23:09] Thanks I have, I have a big history of volunteering and activism. Actually, the, the girls that I've mentored, I just volunteered to mentor for many years. Right. So. And a book. So I was an academic tutor, but then I was also volunteering my time because I didn't it didn't sit right with me that only girls pay me like. So I started volunteering my time. So it's been always service has always been a huge part of my life. And that's how I'm on the board of a nonprofit and the mentorship director of democracy and so on. And so it was through that network that women's empowerment, space, feminism, space. So like, you know, help and empower women in the world that I met a lot of the big name people that have supported the book, although with, you know, the Oprah thing and the thing have come from, you.
Lauren Abrams [00:23:51] Know, that's that's organic. That's because your book is great.
Chelsey Goodan [00:23:55] Well, everything's technically organic with it.
Lauren Abrams [00:23:57] That's actually true. And that's how your path unfolds, which is just so beautiful. And service is so important. The two biggest messages from compiling all the messages of hope in almost 200 episodes, the two biggest messages compiled is that we need to be in community. We are not meant to isolate and be alone, and the second is service. We are meant to be of service to others. So those by the way, are the meaning of life. I so like that is. And in the blue zones where people live the longest, the healthiest, the happiest, it's because of community of service. So yeah, you are right now.
Chelsey Goodan [00:24:31] Literally my, the guy who gave a toast at my wedding said that about the blue zone, because he knows I bring up that exact point you just made all the. I bring up that point so often that a.
Lauren Abrams [00:24:42] Person made a toast.
Chelsey Goodan [00:24:43] About it at the wedding, that, community.
Lauren Abrams [00:24:46] And that is it's. And so and that's why like, of course, your book is before it comes out and part of oh for our part of Reese and everything else. And it was so as soon as I started reading, I was like, this is so great. I ran into my daughter's. Visiting right now. And I'm like, you have to read this. And I'm already like buying copies for everybody. So this book is so amazing. Do you have a message I hope you want to get?
Chelsey Goodan [00:25:08] I'm going to just give something that just came into my brain, which is let yourself be weird and and embrace that. Because that's actually I feel like such people often think of weird as a bad thing. And I have just seen it as this portal into your authenticity so often, the more you can just like shed the shoulds of what you should look like, should do, you should say and just be like, wait, no, that's my weird thing I do, and that's what I am like and own it. The more you'll step into your power and voice.
Lauren Abrams [00:25:38] Yeah, and the universe will rise up to meet you for everything you want to do and be when you are that. And nobody's paying that much attention, by the way. That's the other thing. I've never thought of a diplomatic way to say that, but, I just love that this has been so great. Is there anything I didn't ask you that we're going to be done? And we're like, Lauren didn't ask me this.
Chelsey Goodan [00:25:57] No, I mean, the one thing I'm liking to put out into the universe is that this is a really good book for mom book clubs. And I say that because not only is a really good book to read with your daughter, by the way, and have really awesome conversations about stuff, but moms talking to moms about the topics of these chapters, I kind of learned and doing a lot of podcast and stuff that moms of teenage girls don't have the same amount of community because there's not a same amount of honesty. Everyone's a little bit like worried like your daughter doing that of my daughter, you know? And there's something about a book club with this book that I think is really going to create. The community that you're talking about from women can be real and be like, oh yeah, yeah, my daughter was struggling with that. And that's, I don't know, I just feel I see that vision and I want to find out there.
Lauren Abrams [00:26:39] Wow, I love that. Yeah. Anytime there can be any kind of community. And I love that idea too. So yeah, let's create a bunch of mom book clubs around underestimated the wisdom and power of teenage girls is fabulous.
Chelsey Goodan [00:26:58] Thank you for being such an awesome interviewer
Lauren Abrams [00:27:02] I hope you enjoyed this week's episode and take with you Chelsey's messages of self-compassion, expansion, and inner healing such fulfilling messages to take into your week ahead, be sure to share the episode with your friends so more people feel less alone in the overwhelm. And to remember the pause answers emerge in the pause, and instead of adding to your to do list, how about a to don't list? Be sure to tune in next week when we're talking about imposter syndrome and walking through your fears to get to the life you know you're meant for. It's a super empowering episode, allowing you to feel more authentic. You do get to align with who you really want to be and do those things you really want to do. You're going to love next week's episode. Also, we're having a contest right now. We're giving away all kinds of fabulous gifts journals, free coaching sessions, free astrology sessions, free manifestation sessions, free beginning podcaster sessions. There's free sessions with all kinds of past guests, plus a bunch of other amazing gifts. All you have to do is write and review the podcast and share the review on social media. And for an extra entry, follow us on YouTube. Take a picture and send that to me either at lauren@52 weeksofhope.com or respond to the weekly email with a picture of your review and you'll be entered. It's for the upcoming 200th episode celebration. That's all you have to do to win. Until next week. I'm Lauren Abrams. Thanks for listening.
