The Secret to Captivating Conversations: Unlocking the Power of Connection with Sam Horn
How do you make a lasting impression? Baffled about how to intrigue people you meet within that first critical minute? Want to know how to inspire positive dialogue in any situation? Listen and learn how to reboot your introduction strategy and captivate any audience, from the dog park to the conference room. You’ll be tongue-tied no more!
Learn these (and more) while focusing on kindness and authentic connections:
The Power of the First 60 Seconds: Learn to capture anyone's attention within the first minute using startling statistics, imaginative scenarios, and compelling evidence.
Mastering the Art of the Introduction: Discover Sam Horn's techniques for making a memorable impression on someone in any setting.
Proactive Grace: Understand this vital concept and how to apply it in your daily interactions to find solutions and inspire positive dialogues, with practical tips on using warm words and maintaining composure.
“Imagine knowing exactly what to say, the moment you need to say it.” – Sam, (4:15).
Hear communication expert Sam Horn discuss how to make a lasting impression and the essentials of connecting authentically and fostering meaningful relationships.
Sam is a renowned author and speaker known for her practical advice on engaging and inspiring people within the first minute of meeting them. Her insights are game-changers for anyone looking to elevate their communication skills personally and professionally.
“Your introduction is your audition for attention. Make it count.” – Sam, (5:27).
"How can we hit the ground running so that what we say is so interesting, so relevant, so actionable, that even the busiest, most skeptical people choose to give us their attention? " – Sam (03:16).
One of Sam's most striking points is about capturing your audience's attention within the first 60 seconds. She recounts assisting an entrepreneur in crafting an irresistible opening for a pitch to investors.
“If people are preoccupied, they're not really paying attention. As soon as you say, imagine this; they're picturing your point. They're seeing what you're saying.” – Sam, (8:22).
In this insightful but light-hearted episode, you'll learn to speak and engage, turning monologues into dialogues and fostering meaningful and memorable connections. Discover how to employ your personal experiences, like Sam’s journey of introspection and change following her divorce and a significant life simplification, to inspire others and refine your legacy and sense of purpose.
“Helping people find solutions, not fault, turns conflicts into conversations.” – Sam, (12:03).
“Every encounter is an opportunity to create a meaningful connection.” – Sam Horn, (22:15)
Don’t miss this compelling episode with actionable advice on finding and sharing your purpose. Tune in now to unlock the secrets of communication that lead to real connections and discover how to engage any listener within the first minute!
"Proactive grace is helping people find solutions, not fault. It's turning a conflict into a clarifying conversation.. – Sam"(32:48)
In this episode:
(0:36) – Introduction
(2:38) – The power of storytelling
(3:36) – How you can capture attention in the first 60 seconds
(5:23) – The impact of raising your eyebrows
(7:20) – Three steps for crafting your compelling 60-second introduction
(9:31) – Your 60-second introduction in casual settings
(12:12) – How to create meaningful connections
(16:04) – Replacing negative language with positive
(19:06) – Beliefs and behaviors that sabotage your success
(20:31) – Overcoming your self-doubt and procrastination
(23:38) - The experience of overcoming a toxic divorce
(24:59) – Taking a pause and living purposefully
(28:01) – Finding clarity in life. Your purpose and legacy
(30:48) –The concept of proactive grace for you
(33:01) – The significance of your mission statement
Resources and Links
52 Weeks of Hope
About Sam Horn
Sam Horn, Founder/CEO of the Intrigue Agency and Tongue Fu! Training Institute is a communication strategist helping clients like Intel, Oracle, and Accenture create proactive, respectful, and intriguing communications. With three TEDx talks and ten books featured in The New York Times and Forbes, Sam's expertise is sought after by Richard Branson's New Now Leaders, NASA, and EO. For 17 years, she directed the Maui Writers Conference and helped clients produce quality books. Sam's passion lies in helping individuals crystallize their message, creating a legacy of value. She's available for keynotes, workshops, and media appearances worldwide, focusing on effective communication strategies and personal development.
Sam Horn Social Media
If you are feeling challenged by your communication skills and find it difficult to capture people's attention, and are looking for the answer to:
The importance of communication skills
How to capture attention quickly
How to deal with information overload
How to craft effective introductions
Then this episode is for you!
Key Takeaways
“You can predict in 60 seconds whether the person you're talking to cares. Just watch your eyebrows..” -Sam, (06:40).
“One of the quickest way to get a skeptic's attention is to introduce something they don't know that they want to know” – Sam, (07:52).
-
Lauren Abrams [00:00:00] Are you a burnt-out overachiever buried in responsibilities? Do you miss laughing with your friends just laughing from the gut? Do you feel like life's passing you by? If you've been wishing for some kind of shift, you're in the right place. Welcome to 52 Weeks of Hope, the show where we take you off the hamster wheel by ditching your to-do list for the to-don't list. This is where you get to learn how to make that lonely ache vanish. Learn self-compassion techniques and give yourself grace. I'm Lauren Abrams and I hope you feel that magic again. Since going through my own dark night of the soul, so you can learn from my experience and the mentors and experts I meet along the way. And today we're talking to author, a three-time TEDx speaker and your communications guru, giving you clarity and voice Sam Horn. Do you ever get tongue-tied or wonder how to respond to a question? Would you love to know the best and most memorable way to tell someone what you do or about yourself? Wouldn't you just love to drop the elevator pitch? Imagine knowing the perfect response from work settings to parties to dog parks. You get to have that because we have the expert here today. Sam is going to let you know what to say and what not to say at home, work online, or in public. She's here helping you to respond on your feet. Welcome to 52 weeks of Hope, Sam.
Sam Horn [00:01:17] Thanks so much, Lauren, and I'm looking forward to sharing some stories and insights with your community.
Lauren Abrams [00:01:23] Thanks. And I've got your newer book, Talking on Eggshells. Your bio is so long I'm not going to go through all of that. And you are the communications guru, which I absolutely love. I love the way communication moves us. And is this something that like it's intuitive to you? I mean, we all end up doing what we're supposed to are meant to do, I believe. But how did you end up in this area?
Sam Horn [00:01:45] You know, it isn't it ironic that we're taught math and science and history in school. We're not taught how what to say when someone blames us for something that's not our fault. We're not taught what to say in the first 60s of a presentation that gets people's eyebrows up. So I figured that I was going to share real life examples that we face at work, at home, and online on what to say when we don't know what to say. And, as a result, I've had a chance to speak around the world for groups ranging from Intel to Oracle to Accenture. And it all depends on exactly what situation you face and your tongue tied, your tongue twisted? Well, here's what to say so that you can create confidence in that situation.
Lauren Abrams [00:02:28] And I love your TEDx talk work. Actually, you have a couple of my favorite quotes like, enough about me, what do you think about me? And oh, the Carrie Fisher well, I'm with something isn't fast enough for.
Sam Horn [00:02:38] Instant gratification too long. So, you know, like put people in the scene of, remember, Carrie Fisher, cinnamon bun ears, Star Wars. Right. Well, I helped start and run the Maui Writers Conference for 17 years. You could jump the chain of command, pitch your screenplay to Ron Howard. You could pitch your novel to the head of Simon and Schuster is just unprecedented. And Carrie Fisher was one of our favorite keynoters. And I will always remember she took the stage and she gripped the lectern and she paused for the longest time, and then she leaned out to the group and she said, instant gratification takes too long.. And that's kind of the premise of what we talk about, is the clock starts ticking the second we start talking. How can we hit the ground running so that what we say is so interesting, so relevant, so actionable, that even the busiest, most skeptical people choose to give us their attention?
Lauren Abrams [00:03:34] Okay, so how can we connect?
Sam Horn [00:03:36] Okay. Let's so everyone think of a situation coming up, but maybe it's a meeting where you're going to be giving a report. Maybe you're speaking for your local PTA or Rotary Club or your industry organization. So let me tell you a quick story about what you can say in the first 60s that's guaranteed to get people interested. I was a pitch coach for Springboard Enterprises, and we've helped entrepreneurs generate 26 billion in funding. So Kathleen Calendar, who is the springboard client, came to me. She said, Sam, I got good news and I got bad news. I said, what's the good news? She said, I'm speaking in front of a roomful of investors at the Paley Center in New York. I said that's fantastic news. I said, what's the bad news? She said, I'm going at 2:30 and I only have ten minutes. She said you can't say anything in ten minutes. And I said, Kathleen, you don't have ten minutes. You have 60 seconds. So here's the 60-second opening we came up with, and I hope everyone listening is ready to take notes, because we're going to unpack this. There's three steps to it so that wherever you go and you want people's attention if you do this, they will give you their attention and their respect and maybe even their yes. Ready for that 60 seconds?
Lauren Abrams [00:04:50] Okay. Go.
Sam Horn [00:04:51] Okay. Did you know there are 1.8 billion vaccinations given every year? Did you know up to a third of them are given with used needles? Did you know we're spreading and perpetuating the very diseases we're trying to prevent? Imagine if there were a painless one-used needle for a fraction of the current cost. You don't have to imagine it. We're doing it. And she's off and running. Are your eyebrows up, Lauren?
Lauren Abrams [00:05:19] Yeah. And you talk about what eyebrows up means.
Sam Horn [00:05:23] You bet. Is that back to the Maui Writers Conference there was a woman who walked out of recession with tears in her eyes? I went over, and said, are you okay? She said, I just saw my dream go down the drain. And I said, what happened? She said, I put my 300-page manuscript on the table. The agent took one look at it, and said, I don't have time to read all that. And he said, tell me in the 60 seconds what your book is about and why someone would want to read it. She said, my mind went blank. She said I spent three years writing it. I thought this job was to sell it. And and I talked with Bob Loomis, who was senior VP of Random House, and he said, Sam, we've seen thousands of proposals. We make up our minds in the 60 seconds whether something is commercially viable. And, Lauren, that next day, I stood in the back and I watched pitches, and I could predict who was getting interested in their project without hearing a word being said based on one thing. Guess what it was.
Lauren Abrams [00:06:21] I did research on you, and so. And I was shocked when you said it's the eyebrows. I was like, what? But this is no.
Sam Horn [00:06:28] Use right now. Everyone watching think of what you care about. What do you want other people to care about? Could be an idea, could be a product, could be a business. Could be a service, could be some cause that you care about. You can predict in the 60 seconds whether the person you're talking to cares. Just watch your eyebrows. Because if their eyebrows are crunched up, like right now but you feel confused. Confused people don't say yes and they don't keep listening. Now, if their eyebrows are unmoved, it means they're unmoved or they've had Botox. Yeah. Now, right now, everyone you are feel extremely curious. And I'm listening.
Lauren Abrams [00:07:07] Chatter I listen better when I do that oh I am I'm paying way more attention when my eyebrows go up.
Sam Horn [00:07:13] Yeah exactly.
Lauren Abrams [00:07:15] So how do you do a 60-second?
Sam Horn [00:07:20] So here's the three steps. Right now because we want this to be as actionable and as, not just intriguing. It's something that everyone watching can put into use about something they care about. So step one is it go to Google and put in what are startling statistics about blank, about the industry that you're targeting, about the demographic that you're meeting, about the problem you're solving, about the, the issue you're addressing? Because up will come statistics if you didn't know. And one of the quickest way to get a skeptic's attention is to introduce something they don't know that they want to know. So if you say, did you know this? Did you know this? Did you end up going, I didn't know, is that bad? I didn't know that many people were being affected. I didn't know it was getting worse. Do you see how we're asking instead of telling? We already turned this into a dialog instead of a monologue in the first 10 seconds, we got the eyebrows up. The second step is to use the word imagine. Because if people are preoccupied, they're not really paying attention. As soon as you say, imagine this. They're picturing your point. They're seeing what you're saying. Imagine this if you could reduce that cost. Imagine if that many people didn't have to be affected. Imagine if you could do it faster. Imagine if you could do it cheaper. People are thinking, sounds pretty good. And now the third step. You don't have to imagine it. We're doing it now. Come in with your precedents or your evidence to show it's not speculative or pie in the sky. It's a done deal. And here's a testimonial. Here's the case study. Here's the article where it says it's true. You can do that in 60 seconds. Other people are still info obesity, you know, telling people who they are or explaining their idea in obesity. You hit the ground running, the eyebrows are up. They're already intrigued, engaged. And they want to keep listening.
Lauren Abrams [00:09:17] It's info obesity your word. That's that's interesting. That was good. So those are your three steps and is that's a 60-second little blueprint. Would that work in the dog park?
Sam Horn [00:09:31] Well let's give an example. Maybe you meet in the dog park. You know, Fido and Fifi, you're having a good time, and someone says, what do you do now? If it's a casual conversation, we're not going to pitch our idea or we're not going to talk about, you know, that. So here's another way we can introduce ourselves that really even works in the dog park. Ready?
Lauren Abrams [00:09:50] Yes.
Sam Horn [00:09:51] Okay. Let's not do the elevator speech. I help blank do blank because people go, oh, it's the end of the conversation. We don't want to end the conversation. We want to open the conversation. So let me give you an example. So you see how this works in the real world. And then we'll unpack it. So from now on when someone says what do you do? Whether it's at the dog park or in line at the theater or at, you know, a conference or something, you've got a less than 60-second answer that actually leads to a meaningful conversation. So I'm speaking at Inc 500 now. Tim Ferriss, Jim Collins, Tom Peters, you know, are all there. And yet this was the most popular session because we worked on people's elevator speech, turning it into an elevator connection. So here's Colleen. She was entrepreneur of the year for the state of Oklahoma. And I said, so what do you do? What what what what what what what. Learn at the end of 60 seconds. No one in the room had any idea what she did. And she was the CEO. I mean, think about the lost opportunity cost, right? So I said, can we play? She said, sure. I said, what do you do that we can see or smell or taste or touch? And she said something about magnetic resonance imaging devices. And my light bulb burned off. I said, oh, do you run the medical facilities that offer MRIs and CT scan? She said, yes. I say, don't tell people that, because if you ask and you tell people what they do, they go, oh, in the conversation I said, ask a three-part question. Do you know anyone could be yourself, a friend or family member who's had an MRI or CT scan. Now put a sock in it because they may say, well, I haven't, but my daughter, she hurt her knee playing soccer. She had an MRI. Now we just link what we do to what they just said. Oh, I run the medical facilities that offer MRIs like the one your daughter had when she heard you and you played soccer. Oh, look, they get it. Both people are talking in the first 60s. It's a dialog. Instead of I help blank, do blank. And believe me, it leads to a lot more mutually rewarding conversations instead of a dead end.
Lauren Abrams [00:12:12] So you are an author of many, many books that are just incredibly successful. We've got Talking on Eggshells, which I'll get to in a minute. How would you introduce yourself?
Sam Horn [00:12:23] Oh thank you. It's like I as you can tell, I don't believe in scripts. Right. I believe in human interactions. Yes, it depends on the person I'm talking to or the situation. So, you know, I just spoke in Joe Polish is a genius network in conscious capitalism. So I ask myself, what would people there care about? What would they be interested in? What is relevant to them where they would want to talk about it? Well, I know that many people want to write a book. So I do a lot of different things, but I'm not going to throw it all in. And it can have people backing up as fast as they can. So I might say, do you know anyone could be yourself, someone in your business, you know, or a colleague who is interested in writing a book? And then I put a sock in it and they're going to say, well, that would be me, or that would be our VP of sales, or that would be my brother or something like that. Now I would ask another question, you know, have they already started it? They have a working title or something because they're going to say, oh, they've been talking about it for years, but they haven't yet, you know. So. Right. Oh yeah. You know, every morning he gets up at five and writes for an hour. See, we ask another question because then I can say I help people like your brother who's got an idea, you know, actually get it out of their head and into the world in under a year. How do you do that? What's an example of that? And once again, we're off on a genuinely mutually interesting, rewarding conversation. All because I asked instead of explained.
Lauren Abrams [00:13:59] Yeah, no. And that is so good. And Sam does have all of those of websites. All the links are there. Don't worry. And I love I love that the way you just did that. And this is why I said your bio is so long, because you've also authored, what, nine books I don't even like? Yeah. Okay. And there's a term in your newest book, Talk About Eggshells that I love, proactive grace. But before I get to that, last year's word of the year is authentic. And this is what everything you're talking about is. And it's just so interesting that, like, what was it before? Like we weren't figuring out that topic. Like, how do you connect if you're not being authentic? And this and your newest book, Talking on Eggshells is it's about kindness. It's so much about kindness. And like, how can we not be kind and how are you not going to connect if it's that way? So okay, so what prompted this this book? I'm holding up the book for everybody who's not looking at the video Talking on Eggshells, which is fabulous. It is easy to read if you just go to the index itself, you can look up just what you are you being bullied to be. If you want to know what to do. Even if you're like, everything is just very, very easy. Or just what kind of relationship are you looking to deal with? Just look at the index. There it is. It's it's just easy and it's fun. It's fun to read. It's real life situations and scenarios. So now you can answer my question.
Sam Horn [00:15:17] And Lauren, first thank you. Because my dad used to say if someone gives you a compliment it's always welcome. However, if it's from a colleague and they pinpoint one of your values, it's even more meaningful. And what you just said is that in a world of info obesity, I didn't want to write a book that was hard to read or that was so like, you know, oh my gosh, this is like hard work, etc.. So as you say, the table of contents is what to do if someone you know is blaming you for something that's not your fault. What to do if someone is interrupting you? What to do if someone's like a nonstop talker and then it's a real life situation, and then we unpack it so that if you're ever in that situation again, finally we know what to say instead of what not to say. Well, one of my favorite examples.
Lauren Abrams [00:16:03] Yes, definitely.
Sam Horn [00:16:04] Okay. Now, I think, you know, I believe in juxtaposing. So as long as people aren't driving, if they get a fresh piece of paper and they put a vertical line down the center, on the left are words to lose, and on the right are words to use, because there really are words that trigger resentment and resistant, and we can replace them with words that actually set up rapport and respect. Why wouldn't we do that? Right? Yeah. So here's an example of how we can do that. And there's actually many words to lose. And they're replacements. Here's one. So I'm visiting my son Andrew in Brooklyn. And his one-year-old son hero is crawling across the floor. He hauls himself up on a guitar over in the corner. He starts banging on the strings. Now, over on the left, Andrew could have said, stop banging on the strings. He could have said, you should have been more carefully. Should have. He could have yanked the guitar away. All of which would have made hero feel worse. Lauren. Instead he said one word. You know, the word was. Gentle, and I saw hero's face transform in front of me and he reached back to the guitar. I went strong, strong, strong. And in that moment he wrote, made music. And it was because instead of shaming his behavior and u shaped his behavior, instead of criticizing him for doing it wrong, he coached him on how to do it right. Instead of losing face over that situation. He will learn from that situation because instead of making him feel bad and you showed him how to do it better. So I hope everyone listening and watching, let's get rid of that word should and stop. Because if we say, stop interrupting me, stop teasing your sister, stop being late or you should have called if you were. You know, when we use the word should and stop, we actually reinforce the negative behavior instead. What do we want him to start instead? What do we want him to do next time from now on in the future? Now we're being a coach instead of a critic, and we're shaping their behavior instead of shaming it.
Lauren Abrams [00:18:21] I love that, and this book is full of these kinds of examples. They're all through it. And in the back there's just a whole list of them of column of what to say and what not to say. Like it's a better choice.
Sam Horn [00:18:34] I'll say more and I'm so glad you brought that up. And there is a reason why I did that. And if we want to make complex ideas crystal clear, I'm going to give you the answers to the test. Whether you're in a meeting and you're taking notes, whether you are writing a book, whether you're giving a presentation, whether you just want people to hear what you're saying and be able to act on it once again, get a fresh piece of paper. Cut a vertical line down the center on the left. What are the beliefs and the behaviors that are sabotaging success. Over on the right put the beliefs and the behaviors that support success. So do you see how, if we're talking about when people complain over on the left, put don't explain because explanations come across as excuses. They actually make things worse because people feel we're not being accountable. So now let's show the ship. Let's show what to say instead of not to say. Over on the right, right down the A train a for agree a for apologize a for act instead of, say that we're late picking someone up. And they said you were supposed to be here an hour ago over on the left. Explain. I know I got caught in traffic, you know, and they say, well, why didn't you call? Oh, my phone died. I couldn't see down.
Lauren Abrams [00:19:58] I missed you, and I'm listening for the apology. Like, wait, when are you going to apologize that you're saying this? .
Sam Horn [00:20:04] Lauren, see, over on the right. Look, what happens if we say a for agree? You're right. Like it was to be an hour ago.
Lauren Abrams [00:20:12] Apologize I like that a yeah, I haven't heard that before. So wait. Well I don't want to lose this thought because I know so many people and and you've got help. People write books and everything else and get it done. I know so many people that have been working on their book. So what if they're procrastinating? What's on the other side of that?
Sam Horn [00:20:30] I'm so glad you brought that up. And once again, I believe you give the real life example first to show how this is in the real world, and then you unpack it. You reverse engineer it so people can apply it to their own circumstances. So very first year of the Maui Writers Conference, I was the MC as well as the executive director. So I would go in the morning and walk the beach to get my introduction straight for the day. Here's this woman crying on the beach. And I went over. I said, are you okay? She said, I don't belong here. I said, you don't belong here. She said, who am I to write a book? She said, it's like you're putting yourself up on a pedestal, you know, I know you don't. I'm perfect. I'm not perfect. You know, it feels kind of arrogant. I don't think that I've got what it takes to write a book. And I said, Jenna, I said, what do you want to write about? Well, she and her husband had adopted a child and who was very challenging. She said, I went to the bookstore. I went to the library to try and find books there. All these books, what a blessing it is to be an adoptive parent. They made me feel worse, she said. I want to write the book I need I can't find. And I said, like, what's an example of what you want to put in your book? And she thought about it for a moment. She said, I want to talk about the time that I was three years old, and I fixed spaghetti for dinner. And he reaches across the table and he grabs a handful of spaghetti and he throws it in my face. And my first thought was, my son would never have done that. And the shame that I felt that that thought had even occurred to me. I said, what else? She says even though it's challenging when it's time to send pictures of Ari to his birth mother. I edit out the cute ones because I live in daily fear. She's going to change your mind and want him back. And I said, Janna, the question to ask is not am I perfect? Do I have a PhD? She said, you know what the question to ask is? With someone reading my book benefit. Because if someone reading your book will benefit, not only do you have the right to write. You have a responsibility.
Lauren Abrams [00:22:46] To do this. Yeah.
Sam Horn [00:22:50] By the way, people can go online and look up Jana Wolf, secret thoughts of an adoptive mother. And I had a chance to run into Jana a couple years ago, and I was speaking in Hawaii, and she said, not a week goes by that she doesn't get an email from someone saying, I thought I was the only one. So if you can write a book, the question is not if you're the world's expert or if you have an MBA. No, the question is, would someone reading your book benefit? And if so, right on.
Lauren Abrams [00:23:21] Yay! You're being of service. And I always like to say nobody can do it the way you can do it. We all have our own unique handprint for a reason. So yeah, I love that. What's the hardest challenge you've ever gone through, and how did you get through it?
Sam Horn [00:23:38] What a wonderful question. I think, the hardest challenge I ever went through was probably my divorce. It was a toxic divorce. And at that point, what I wanted more than anything in the world was for my sons to grow up and to be healthy individuals who had loving relationships with women had the light on in their eyes, and they were doing work that mattered and that they were good citizens. How I got through it is Mary Morrissey says, hold the vision, not the circumstances. And so that was my vision is that we would get on the other side of this, that I would continue to act in integrity, that I would model for my sons how to be respectful to others and to hold on to that vision and belief that they would grow up to be, as I said, happy, healthy, contributing adults in loving relationships. And that's happened. It's one of my the great gifts of my life.
Lauren Abrams [00:24:40] I love that. And one of your other, your earlier Ted talks. It's your son. And I think that saying something to you that prompted you to become an author, which I absolutely love. What he's like, why you work yourself to death, which I particularly love. And you may have heard it in the introduction, the whole thing about taking the pause, take a breath, get off the hamster wheel, play with your kids. Answers emerge in the pause. It's why. I mean, you talk about taking a walk on the beach before giving your speech, and I just think it's so important. So how do you take your pause? There's certain things that you do so that you're not constantly on the hamster wheel, because it seems to me that you do do a lot.
Sam Horn [00:25:22] So here's the origin story. What Andrew had said that actually changed the course of my life is that I had just finished a very intensive consult in Southern California, and I was returning the rental car, and and Andrew called, and he sensed something in my voice, and he said, what's up, mom? I said, Andrew, I'm so exhausted. I don't know how I'm going to get on that plane tonight. I've got to fly back to DC and fly back to do a keynote in San Francisco in a couple of days. I don't know how I'm going to do it and thank heaven he said, mom, there's something about you I don't understand. You have your own business. You can do anything you want and you're not taking advantage of it. And I realized out of the mouths of 20 somethings and that along with a quote from Paulo Coelho and he said, one day you're going to wake up and there won't be any time left to do the things you've always wanted to do. So I gave away 95% of what I owned, and I took my business on a year by the water, and I sailed the Chesapeake Bay and and went to Giovanni Monet's garden. And I interviewed people and I said, are you happy? And if so, why? And if not, why not? And the river that ran through my interviews is that how many people were so busy? And when I said, what do you want to do? And they said, well, I'm going to do that when I retire. Well, I'm going to do that when the kids go off to school, when I am going to do that, when I, you know, finish this project. And I was a 30 something and he was married, he had a full time job. He had two kids with special needs. And when I said, what's your dream? And he looked at me and he said, I don't dream anymore. It's too painful. And I wrote a book called Someday is Not a Day in the week. And Lauren, right, in, alignment with your work is the clock is ticking. And that's not more. But that's motivating who and what really matter. And what can we do to spend more time with them now instead of waiting for later? Because now is the new later.
Lauren Abrams [00:27:29] I love that that the origin of 52 weeks of Hope, as we interview a much older demographic saying, why are we here? What have you gleaned from living life? They say nobody on their deathbed wish they worked harder, made more money. So what have you gleaned? And the answers are in connection with others. And it's not on a screen it's physically being with other people. And we need community. We need to be together. And I just love that the commonality there. So do you have a message of hope you want to give?
Sam Horn [00:28:01] Sure. It is katharine Graham of The Washington Post said, to do what you love and feel that it matters. How could anything be more fun? And once again, if one of the great joys of my love is helping people get crystal clear about their contribution, because Pablo Picasso said the purpose of life is to find your gifts. The meaning is to give them away. So I help people figure out their legacy message. What have they learned over the years? You know, what do they want to pass along? How could they put that in a book? How could they put that in a Tedx talk? How could they put that in something that is their message in a bottle so that they are clear about their gifts, they're giving them away, and they're leading a life of ikigai and to Japanese word for a reason, to wake up in the morning, something to look forward to so that on a daily basis, we're making time for who and what matters. And we're living our life purposefully in a way that we know that we're making a difference.
Lauren Abrams [00:29:04] That's great. Is there something that people listening because everyone listening cannot work with you? Or maybe they could. I have no idea really how that works. I know you have some videos and everything but the one on one. Are there certain steps that people could take to start on that path?
Sam Horn [00:29:19] You bet. I do have a couple of online programs. One is so you want to write a book that actually talks you through that step by step process. And and it's kind of like, you know, this inspiring. Oh my goodness. I wouldn't have known about that. Oh my goodness, I would have spent all that time going down that wrong path, you know. So that is one option. Another is, is that, you know, my books are available on audible. And, you know, you can often get an audible book for a buck. And so like, places to start are probably the somedays not a day in the week book because that helps you get clear why you're here. And then how are you going to make that happen now and not someday? And maybe the second book would be Hmhm probably the Got Your Attention book, because it is. Now, whether you're working in an organization, whether you have your own business, whether you're a single mom, whatever it is, figuring out how you can communicate what you care about so other people care about it too, whether that's your kids, whether that's your boss, whether that's an investor. And there is a way to speak clearly and concisely and compellingly in a way that people want to hear what you have to say. They get and value what they say, and they're more likely to remember it and act on it.
Lauren Abrams [00:30:39] Yeah, and that is great. Okay, so I don't want to forget the proactive grace. Can you just talk about that briefly?
Sam Horn [00:30:48] You bet. Is that how much wrote and said do not let people pull you into their storm, pull them into your peace. And Mother Teresa said the world is full of good people, if you can't find one be one. And Elvis Presley said, when things go wrong, don't go with them. We may agree with all that. We just don't know how to do it. And proactive grace. I think kindness and compassion are very important and I don't think they're enough. I think that proactive grace is in a situation. It's helping people find solutions, not fault. It's turning a conflict into a clarifying conversation. It's using warm words like thank you, appreciate, look forward instead of just. Business is not personal and just, you know, just the facts, etc. it is being a force for good on a daily basis with the way we listen, with the way we put ourselves in another person's shoes and we empathize with them, and then we choose to respond instead of react, so that we're setting an example of integrity, where people choose to respond in kind.
Lauren Abrams [00:32:00] I love that. I'm so happy that you joined us today. And, is there any question that I didn't ask you that we're going to be done? You're going to be like, Lauren didn't ask me this.
Sam Horn [00:32:12] Yeah. You know, here is something that we haven't talked about yet that I think is integral to all of this, is that do you have a mission statement? Because I was very fortunate in college, our philosophy professor, on the very first day of class, he said, we're going to study Socrates and Plato and Aristotle. He said, but first, you're going to come up with your own philosophy. And it needed to be under 100 words, and we had a week to work on it. And so I came up with my philosophy decades ago, and I haven't changed a word since. And it's been it's my Northstar. It guides my actions, and my philosophy is my purpose is my mission is to make a positive difference for as many people as possible while maintaining a happy, healthy life with friends and family. So to come up with your mission statement is professional and personal. So what is your goal in terms of your career or your legacy, or how you're going to add value in your community, etc., while doing what? While, you know, loving life, while being out in nature, while spending time with the people you care about. Because if you have clarity about that, if you posted words insight in mind on a daily basis, when we start getting busy, when we start getting pulled off course, we have a way to come back to center and to be crystal clear how we can continue to be the person we want to be, even when other people aren't.
Lauren Abrams [00:33:46] Oh that's good. I'm so glad you added that. That's amazing. Thank you so much for being a guest today on 52 weeks of Hope.
Sam Horn [00:33:54] You're welcome. I hope that people have found it inspiring and useful, and they get clear on their ikigai and their mission statement, and then they lead into it on a daily basis.
Lauren Abrams [00:34:05] Yeah, same.
