Rudy Tomjanovich: We Don’t Have Any Control Over What Comes Into Our Head, But We Have The Power To Stop It
Rudy T. -- All Star player. Two time NBA world champion. Gold Medal winning head coach, you’d think he had it all. He worked really hard at being a good student, and a good athlete, a good person. But he had this voice in his head telling him, “Rudy, you really aren’t all that.”
One day, Rudy had a car accident and no one knew exactly what happened (not drinking related at all), but Rudy’s doctor decided it was time for him to go to rehab and quit drinking. Rudy always thought he was different than other people, not quite like others when he compared himself. That negative inner voice of his was always telling him you’re “not that good, you’re not fooling anyone, and everyone can see it.”
He learned that that voice in his head is called his “stinking thinking,” and he also learned he’s not the only one who has it. This was a revelation to him. He was sure he was the only one and he was constantly running from that voice and trying to prove it wasn’t true.
After he got out of rehab and stayed off alcohol, he learned that while “we don’t have any control over what comes into our head, we do have the power to stop it. We don’t have to ride that pony.”
Before this, he had to ride it, and his head could, and sometimes would, take him anywhere, including some dark places. He learned that just because he thinks something, does not mean it’s true -- and that it probably isn’t true if it’s some negative self talk.
He started wondering how he ever got so worked up over something when most of the time he couldn’t even remember what started the spiral!
Back when Rudy was still a player in his 30’s, he sometimes got this shame spiral going really deep. He was so good in his profession, but felt he couldn’t live up to what others thought he was. So he completely isolated himself. That was his solution back then.
When he was in rehab, Rudy learned that the voice in his head was common. He heard a lecture about keeping secrets and how they’re a real killer. That the things we are holding back are the root of the problem, and it made so much sense to Rudy that he went and found a counselor to tell him his biggest secret to get it off his chest.
He couldn’t believe he was gonna do that, but went ahead and did - laid it out there. The counselor looked at Rudy and said, “No shit? That stuff happens.”
That was it. And the relief Rudy felt was immense and instantaneous.
Rudy was also having trouble sleeping. Serious trouble sleeping. He was told to get a connection to God. He had no idea what that meant or what that had to do with anything. He went back to his room to try saying the Serenity Prayer he had seen. He was four days without sleep when he prayed, really at his wits end and willing to try anything. He said a prayer, on his knees, it may really have just been, “God help me.” Suddenly a velvety cotton cloud of warmth came over him. The tension left as well as all worries. He felt safe. Whatever God was, he knew he felt protected. He made it through that day with energy. It was a total miracle. He quit isolating and felt connected. A boulder rolled off his shoulders and that night he finally slept.
Over the next almost two decades, most of Rudy’s “what-ifs” have happened. What-if I get cancer. What-if I lose my health. What-if I get sued. What-if I don’t have all my money/lose my money. The what-ifs happened and he survived them all. He’s still here. He’s still standing. He’s still thriving and surrounded by those he loves and who love him.
He’s gained a belief that in the overall scheme of life, it’s when you’re connected with a spiritual basis of some sort, that you come to realize that we’re all connected. That no one is closer to this force than another. He says that as long as he opens the channels to spirit, he’s okay. That all his problems come “when he shuts out this channel,” and that he also needs to be open to other people for the channel to come through. When he goes into a corner and tries to think out his problems, that’s when he’s really in trouble! That’s when he knows he’s isolating again, and that spiral can start back at any time.
Rudy knows now that when he opens himself up to this spiritual light, he can expect miracles to happen. When he first heard this, he thought, “Yeah right.” But he’s seen it time and again. “When bad things happen to good people, we keep dwelling on it, we become part of the problem too. We have to move on. When go through adversity, of course we’re gonna be troubled - don’t pitch a tent in the valley - feel the feelings, do the forgiveness, then move on.”
Rudy has never felt better in his entire life than he does today. He’s surrounded by people who love him. A loving partner. Friends. Family, including grandkids. Yapping happy dogs. And a peace and tranquility that lasts so long as he remembers his own message:
“Just because it’s one of my thoughts, doesn’t mean it’s true.”
Thanks Rudy T. We all love you.
