Breaking Free of the Hamster Wheel: How Overachieving Moms Rediscover the Magic of Life!
You know that nagging sense of emptiness, even when your life appears picture-perfect? Those mornings when you're drained before the day truly begins? Ever wondered if others have it easier? Tune in and discover how to embrace the rest, laughter, and joy you’ve yearned for.
Join Lauren as she delves into the art of prioritizing yourself and unveiling hidden passions you may not even know exist. When life keeps you too occupied to hear your inner whispers, reality becomes a blur. Prepare to step off the hamster wheel and embark on a journey filled with grace and fulfillment.
“You should do what you feel like you're here to do and align with that." – (2:07), Lauren
“Your vibe attracts your tribe. So be careful you aren’t attracting short-fused . . . ” – (2:48), Lauren
In this episode, Lauren helps you understand the power of the pause and how finding and embracing it can transform your life. Discover the power of self-compassion techniques and give yourself grace. Listen and learn how to ditch the to-do list and create a to-don't list. Free yourself from the neverending cycle of busyness.
“If you have something you really want to do, you really can do it.” – (3:42), Lauren
The life you've always yearned for awaits. Tune in now to hear personal tales of transformation and inspiration from Lauren. Gain practical strategies for conquering burnout and aligning with your deepest desires. Prepare to rediscover the magic in your life.
“It’s the moments that matter.” – (15:20), Lauren
In this episode:
(2:14) – Understanding the importance of doing what you feel like you were put here to do.
(3:08) – Life is meant to be lived, not dreaded!
(3:40) – It’s not a dress rehearsal. Life’s in session.
(4:10) – How you can avoid “analysis paralysis.”
(4:25) – Whatever you want to do, you can do it.
(4:50) - Why the pause is important.
(6:40) – How answers emerge in the pause.
(8:24) – Self-compassion techniques.
(10:16) – The standing meditation experience.
(13:14) – Why having an open mind helps you create the life you want.
(13:30) – Working three days a week and being successful.
(14:50) – Overachievers live the loneliest lives.
(15:23) – Whatever you focus on grows. What to focus on.
(16:23) – The value of accountability partners.
(16:47) – Building the life you want doesn’t have to be done in isolation.
(16:54) – The value of community and how it can help you reach your place.
(17:26) – Connections with other high achievers or meditation options.
Resources and Links
52 Weeks of Hope
Mentioned:
Adam Schaeuble’s Podcasting Business School: https://www.podcastingbusiness.school/
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[00:00:00] Lauren: Talking to an expert about the best way to introduce the series, helping overachieving burnt-out moms breathe, laugh from the gut and align with what they really want to do. I just couldn't believe his response. Are you a burnt out overachieving type A mom? Unlike other shows for burnt-out overachieving moms only we take you off the hamster wheel by ditching the to-do list for the to-don't list. Welcome to 52 Weeks of Hope, where you get to rediscover laughing from the belly and getting back to your meaningful one-on-one time with others. This is where you get to learn how to make that lonely ache vanish and get rid of your inner critic.Learn self-compassion techniques and give yourself grace. How to stop feeling short views, light up again to see people. If you've been wishing for some sort of shift, you're in the right place. I'm Lauren Abrams, and I get to help you feel the magic again, since going through my own dark night of the soul, so you can learn from my experience and the mentors, experts, and friends I meet along the way.
[00:01:04] And today, I'm going to talk to you about how to get off that hamster wheel and stop that feeling that life's passing you by, and wishing for anyone else's life. So the conversation I had with that expert, it's somebody I really admire. I was so surprised. I help people realize and align with what they really want to do.It's what I love doing. It's what I'm good at. And I've always been doing it. It's why I was doing those free confidence and clarity booth sessions for a long time, and I'll make them available again. Even in my law practice, when people would work for me, I'd ask them, like, what do you enjoy doing? And is this what you really want to do?
[00:01:41] And even one attorney, she's like, not really. I'd much rather be a Molecular biologist, which wasn't what I was expecting, but like, okay, great. How can we make that happen? And, and so she started going her doctorate and, and that's what she is. She's this rocket scientist now and, and good for her. And, the one attorney who's studying for her doctorate, she'd much rather be in the psychology space and I totally support that. You should do what you feel like you're here to do, align with that. Mindfulness meditation teacher. And I love podcasting and talking to all these experts. I love helping you discover what it is that brings you joy. And, and I know I'm good at it. So it's what I like helping other people do.
[00:02:26] And so when I was talking to this expert about how to do a series for burnt-out overachieving moms, and I know it, that short-fused feeling and your vibe attracts your tribe. And you really don't want to attract more people that are short-fused. And just have nothing else to give. That feeling that life's passing you by or everything just feels like such a drudgery and you shouldn't dread waking up or dread your day.
[00:02:56] One of the messages, I compiled all the messages of hope from every week into eight overarching themes. And one of the overarching themes is life's in session. This is it. You only get one. There's no do over. So, if you have something you really want to do, do it. This is it. Life's in session. That's one of the themes.
[00:03:15] So, it's really great to look forward to the day that you have ahead. And I don't mean to be like skipping through roses and like birds flying over your head like some Disney movie. I'm not trying to be like that, but... If you start analyzing like I can't really do it because of this and you could get into analysis paralysis and that's not a way to do things like if you've got a dream and something you really want to do and You're really pining for somebody else's life There's a reason You can do whatever it is that you really want to do listen to how to stop wishing for someone else's life that But so that I did because there's a way To do anything it is that you really want to do, you really can.
[00:04:02] And so when I was talking to him about the message, I said, I want to help burnt-out, overachieving moms who have forgotten the pause. He said, clearly you don't have a two and a four-year-old. That's when I had my moment because I was a single mom raising. Two and a five-year-old. I had full custody of my kids.
[00:04:26] So I definitely understand. And I running my law practice, being of service in a lot of different areas. And don't assume, you know, anyone's story, first of all. So coming at it from that, but I was doing, doing, doing, and so I totally get it. And. I got a call from my doctor at one point and she sounded really concerned and she said you need to come in and End up I needed a blood transfusion and I remember driving to the hospital thinking I don't have time for blood transfusion and I actually was wondering do I go to the hospital or do I go to my office?
[00:05:00] That was my moment Everyone has certain moments in their life. And that was mine where I was like, okay, so of course I went, I took care of my health. And that was the beginning of me filling up my oxygen tank. You have to fill your oxygen first. And I started taking long weekends quarterly to fill my oxygen tank.
[00:05:22] And I discovered meditation at that time. And I learned about the pause. That's when I learned first learned about the pause and answers emerge in the pause. So, yes, I do understand having a two and a four year old, I understand having little kids that, that just walk in on you in the bathroom, they don't care about all of that, and my kids have always known mommy needs to meditate, and it's not like they're gonna respect that, and a pause doesn't have to be this really long time, it doesn't have to be that long weekend, it can be just a few minutes, it can be those breaths, one of the Episodes in the series is a man who wrote a book about three minute meditations Every day for 14 weeks and seeing how much your life changes taking that pause It could be a walk around the block without a device Answers do emerge in the pause.
[00:06:10] It's why you have your aha moments in the shower because your device isn't Hopefully your device isn't in the shower with you I don't know but I always get great ideas in the shower or if you're driving without anything on maybe you have A lot of ideas come to you then, but really it's breathing in and out and taking those moments.
[00:06:30] Put your hand on your chest. It's a really good self-compassion technique and just breathing in and out. And your mind's always going when you meditate. I mean, I'll get to that in a minute, but answers do emerge for yourself in the pause. And to think that there isn't three minutes is, you know, there's always three minutes.
[00:06:51] Through taking a breath that you can hear and taking those moments. And so I started taking these quarterly long weekends to recharge when my kids were really little and that's when I learned about meditation and journaling and little things that I could do to for self-compassion and I got answers and I just learned all this so we fast forward to today And meditation is such an important of my part of my life.
[00:07:18] Just like breathing I was at dinner the other night with Scott and I were at dinner this highly educated couple were asking me Well, wait, why do you meditate like they just it was so beyond them. I was trying to tell this story I'll tell you that story in a minute because I just feel like there's so many messages and I was so close-minded.
[00:07:34] But anyway, I was trying to explain to them I meditate because when I meditate I feel more balanced. I'm okay with whatever's going on around me I'm not saying what's going on around me is okay, but i'm okay with it and I feel grounded My intuition is way higher and better and I'm vibrating at a much higher frequency And also I do a mindfulness meditation teacher and I Didn't become that.
[00:08:00] I'm not doing those courses to be cool or to sound cool or anything like that. It might not even sound cool to you, but I, everyone's like, well, why are you doing that? It's to keep me meditating. That is the reason that I am doing mindfulness meditation teacher training. It's this incredible two-year course.
[00:08:18] It's time-consuming and everything else. I just do it so that I meditate, keep meditating every day. Things that make me feel the best, like journaling. Meditation exercise. I don't understand why I don't do them 300 times a day, but I don't that's just not how I'm wired. So anything that will keep me meditating.
[00:08:35] That's why I do it. So I got this. Some of the trainings. I mean, they're live, but some are on video and I got a video with standing meditation and I was like, are you kidding me? I sit in front of a screen all day. I don't want to do standing meditation. This is me This is my reaction. It was only nine minutes the teaching and I thought I don't want to do this And I was procrastinating and procrastinating and there's a reason i'm telling you this story just it's really short And so finally I had to do it.
[00:09:05] I knew I had to do it So finally I did it before because training are constantly coming in and so I stood up And I put it on and it starts and it said, Do you feel your feet on the ground? I'm like, Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel my feet on the ground. And, uh, do you feel the bones in your feet? Do you feel them?
[00:09:25] Are you connected to earth? I'm like, Yeah. I feel connected to Earth. Do you feel your arms at your side? Yes. I feel my arms at my side and my head. I'm already thinking about how many minutes have gone. Thinking yes judging because I'm judging myself I'm already thinking I'm gonna have to redo this thing how many minutes are left thinking judging Planning because I'm planning how you know what's going on just kind of noticing what's going on in my head Because my your head's always going when you're meditating.
[00:09:50] I'm a human and uh, that's just open your eyes So I open my eyes. I thought well that's different and uh, and I have The window I work from home is I have a good vantage point of these mountains and the trees and everything and a bird Flew by. Oh, that's nice and noticed the periphery vision. Yeah.
[00:10:06] Yeah, and then it was over. That was fast and I said, how do you feel on your inside? And I thought oh I feel Really? I can feel my whole insides. I felt like I could feel my blood flowing on my insides and I said I feel really calm and I feel peaceful and I'm very hyper-aware, like I could really feel my insides and I feel patient and this is great.
[00:10:32] I feel patient and aware and I feel kind of energized too at the same time. This is amazing. Nine minutes and I feel all this. Who knew like, and so I had total contempt for this thing before I even did it and was closed-minded. I do a nine-minute standing meditation and I'm like energized and aware and patient and nine minutes like I could do this in the middle of my day and feel amazing.
[00:10:59] And so that's how it is. I'm going to analogize that now to the pause. Like if anybody's saying I don't have time for a pause you pause. I don't want to meditate I don't want to whatever it is that your head's like yeah, you do that or I have to be busy or You try with your little kids or this expert who said you try it with a two and a four-year-old Okay, I've been there and my health became at risk big time.
[00:11:23] So That's what it took for me. You don't have to get to such extreme places. So the number of messages in my little nine-minute standing meditation of me in my closed mind and, and yet I felt great afterwards. So, you know, having an open mind, you really can create the life you want. I'm in this group with Adam.
[00:11:46] I cannot pronounce Adam's last name. It's for podcasters. He has a. I'm blanking. I'm so sorry, Adam. I'm blanking on, uh, your podcast, but if you want to start a podcast, go into Adam's group, send me a message. I'll, I'll tell you what it is. Anyway, he works only three days a week. He's really successful. He has a great podcast and Adam Schnabley.
[00:12:07] Anyway, the point of this part, part is. He only works three days a week. He's super successful. His podcast is amazing if you want to start a podcast. And he talks about his kids all the time. I don't know about anyone else, but I feel like I know his son and his daughter so well. I know their eating habits.
[00:12:25] I know what sports they're in. He talks about his kids and his family. I know he's sons. Kids are like huge and because of his dad's side of the family, they're all six foot something. And anyway, like he talks about his kids constantly. He's a really hands-on dad and because he works three days a week and he's hands-on the rest of the time, you can create that life.
[00:12:47] That's my long-winded way of saying because he used to podcast five days a week then four now three and he has a business behind it and he was in the health space before that and had some places and You can create whatever life you want to create So if you're like a CEO of this company and probably lonely and have no one to talk to and barely see your family You can create whatever life you want.
[00:13:09] CEOs are about the loneliest there are right now there's no one to talk to because burnt-out overachievers are probably the loneliest on the planet looking wistfully at everyone else, feeling like life's passing them by. I mean, you remember laughing. From your gut, like falling on the floor, laughing with your friends.
[00:13:30] Remember that it's so hard to get to that place anymore. And think about what are you going to regret when you're older. I mean, definitely not the messy house. It's the moments. It's the moments that matter and whatever you focus on grows. So focus on the good. Focus on what fills you up and brings you joy.
[00:13:52] Take that pause. Walk around the block without a device. Just try it. Get on the floor with your kids or your pets when you're not exhausted just Think of what fills you up and I have the most amazing guests for this series You're gonna love them one person. She has a podcast all about the pause and it's because she These are all high achievers.
[00:14:17] These people know what they're talking about. And, uh, she discovered the pause. and she has a whole book about it and a podcast. And she's funny. nobody's boring. Don't worry and look for the good. Don't wait till you're ready to start. If there's something you want to do, like I said, life's in session.
[00:14:37] You've got this. Whatever it is you want to do, you get to do it and you get to don't have to do any of it alone. Have an accountability part. Do you ever feel like you could really do something if you had another, another set of hands, someone else to help you to lead the way? Well, you do. That's what the pause is.
[00:14:57] That's, that's that small, still voice within you. It gets to lead the way and you don't have to do any of it in isolation. None of it. You can do it in the community. There's a community all around you. We are not meant to be alone. If there's something you really want to do, there are people doing it. You don't have to invent the wheel with anything.
[00:15:20] Find other like-minded people doing this around you. Send me a message. I will tell you exactly where there's other people doing. What it is that you want to do we can create community here. I will show you exactly there I have a list of places that you can go where people are doing what it is that you wish you were doing And there's other expert out overachievers who have created community They're very high achieving women who have created community and you can go ahead and join their groups I've got a couple of really amazing groups that I can lead you to or if you just wanted to learn how to do meditation or anything like that Just send me a note and I can let you know where to go Or if you wanted to create a small group here, you can let me know that too Or if you want a confidence and clarity boost session, you can just let me know I hope you enjoyed this week's episode and take with you the messages of gratitude openness and of course the pause Such fulfilling messages to take into your week ahead Be sure to share this episode with your friends and to rate and review the podcast so more people feel less alone in the overwhelm and to remember the pause.
[00:16:31] Answers emerge in the pause and instead of adding to your to-do list, how about that to-don't list? Be sure to tune in next week where an amazing guest is going to share all about how she has beat the overwhelm. It's a show for burnt-out overachieving type A'ers. Unlike other shows for burnt-out overachievers, only we take you off the hamster wheel by ditching that to-do list for the to-don't list.
[00:16:59] Until next week, I'm Lauren Abrams. Thanks for listening.