How to Stop Wishing for Someone Else’s Life
Do you ever look at another family or person and just wish you were living their life instead of yours? Or at least had their job? Spouse? Or vacations? Listen right now and learn how to not only embrace your own unique journey also how to make your own life truly fulfilling.
"Break free from any of the self-limiting beliefs that make you think you can't have all of that because you definitely can!” (2:31), Lauren
In this episode, Lauren shows you how to stop wishing and start manifesting the life you crave. It starts with inner work and knowing what genuinely fills you with joy. Listen and learn about the four areas that will help you stop wishing for someone else’s life and start building the one for you!
“You really can manifest anything.” – (6:13), Lauren
The grass may look greener on the other side, but really, you never know the truth of what’s going on! Listen to this episode and hear the steps to take to build the life you want!
“Instead of adding to that to-do list, how about a to-don’t list?” – (10:00), Lauren
“Just by showing up for life every day, miracles happen.” – (13:33), Lauren
"Manifesting Your Life's Purpose: 'So you get to manifest whatever it is that you want to do and you get to live your life, not somebody else's fake life or whatever it is because it's your life that you get to live.'" - (21:34), Lauren
In this episode:
(2:24) – If your relationship isn’t working, sit down and do these.
(3:30) – How to manifest your best life.
(5:53) – The power of an open mind.
(8:13) – Enjoying things.
(8:49) – How to take the first step.
(9:10)- The importance of finding out what fills you with joy.
(10:00) – What type of work drives you?
(10:25) – What is the pause and why it matters
(11:10) – Travel, relationships, work, and friendships and how to align with these.
(11:30) – The four areas that will help you stop wishing for someone else’s life.
(12:53) – Why this is the best medicine.
(14:17) – How showing up every day creates energy toward your goals.
(14:56) – How being of service heals you.
(17:25) – Reach out to community.
(19:29) – If you knew the story of the persons’ life you’re wishing for, you’d choose yours.
(21:21) – Don’t let social media personas guide your thoughts on the lives of others.
(21:52) – The power of journaling and meditation.
(22:00) – Simple meditation techniques.
(22:41) – Whatever it is that you want to do, you have the right to manifest and do that.
(23:30) – Life is in session; this isn’t a dress rehearsal.
Resources and Links
52 Weeks of Hope
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[00:00:00] Lauren: What do you want your life to look like? Do you want to travel? Do you want to work from home? Do you want to work with other people when it comes to the job? What fills you with joy when you think about work? Maybe your life seemingly looks great right now, but you're so stressed out and you have no time for anything. And instead of adding to a to-do list, how about a to-don't list? How about taking that pause and filling up your own tank? Give yourself oxygen, taking that pause, take three minutes even, and just breathe, be quiet. Are you a burnt-out overachiever who's buried in responsibilities and feeling like life's passing you by?
[00:00:42] Well, welcome to 52 Weeks of Hope, where you get to rediscover laughing from the belly and getting back your meaningful one-on-one time with others. This is where you get to learn how to make that lonely ache vanish and get rid of your nonstop inner critic. Learn self-compassion techniques and give yourself grace. How to stop feeling short-fused. Light up again to see people, remember that? If you've been wishing for some kind of shift, you're in the right place. I'm Lauren Abrams and I get to help you feel that magic again. Since going through my own dark night in the soul so you can learn from my experience and the mentors, friends and experts I meet along the way.
[00:01:20] And today we're talking about how to stop wishing for somebody else's life. Do you see other couples and just know they have the best relationship? They never fight. Do you see people traveling on social media and they've picked the perfect spot? The weather's divine, the flowers always in bloom. They seem to be able to travel first class, always. And do you know that there's one person in particular that you would kill for that job that they have? I'm here to tell you right now how to stop wishing for anybody else's life. How to love your own and how to get all these things that you're pining for yourself if you really want them. Welcome to 52 Weeks of Hope.Are enough to think big, play big, and manifest whatever your deepest desires really are. Break free from any of the self-limiting beliefs that makes you think you can't have all of that, because you definitely can. Whatever it is that you want to do, what, if you want the perfect relationship, you can have that. If you're not in a relationship, then what's stopping you? Is it your own self-limiting beliefs? What kind of relationship do you want? Write it out. What fills you with joy when you think about being in that relationship? And if you're in a relationship that's having problems, look up and sit down and discuss the relationship. What would a perfect relationship look like? To you write it all out. What fills you with joy when you think about that relationship? We're not meant to live alone. We're not meant to be alone. We're meant to be in the community find things that you would want to do with another person and go out go join a hiking club a writing club whatever it is that you like to do a club and do it in groups and try to meet the other like-minded people. But write out a wish list of what this person the kind of qualities that person would have or does have and imagine a life with that person or doing things together, traveling together. If that's something that you would like to do and what kind of mode of travel, maybe you want to RV together, ride bikes or whatever it is. And where do you see yourself going? Because you can do any of those things. And as far as the job and the career or whatever it is, what does that look like for you? Because you can do any of those things. One of the things that's important is to take the pause. This is super, super important mindfulness, meditation, and teacher training. So I would keep meditating every day and one of the meditations that came some of its live training some of it comes in video and I got a video with a standing meditation in it and I was like, Oh, God, I don't want to I sit in front of a screen all day. I don't want to do a standing meditation. I already had all these ideas about it. So I finally, I saw it was only nine minutes. I was just dreading doing this standing meditation. There's a reason I'm telling you this story, you'll see. So finally I was like, fine, I mean I had to do it. So I stood up, and I started the recording and I feel your feet on the ground. Yes, I feel my feet on the ground. And yeah, yeah, I feel all the bones of my feet. Yes, they're planted on earth. Yes, I know I'm connected to earth and my head is going while I'm doing the meditation standing meditation, and I'm already thinking I'm going to have to do this thing again. I'm not doing it right. Anyway, my head's going. So I'm thinking. And yes, I feel my arms at my side thinking, thinking, cause judging, judging, cause I'm judging myself while I'm doing it. And I'm thinking I'm going to have to do it again. And it's going along and it says, open your eyes. I'm thinking, well, that's different. So I opened my eyes and I have a very, a big window with a good vantage of the mountains in front of me and everything and a bird flies by and I went, oh, that's nice. And it said to see my peripheral vision and I'm looking and then it was over and it said, how do you feel the inside? And I thought, oh, I could feel my whole insides. I felt like I could feel my blood flowing and everything else. I thought I feel really patient and very hyper-aware. And then it asked another question. I went, I feel great. This is the greatest thing ever. Who knew standing meditation, you could take nine minutes in the middle of my day and, and feel patient and aware and kind of energized. And it's the whole, I had no idea until I did it. Something I was completely dreading and I just like who knew and it's one more time that until I tried it I had no idea so you really can manifest anything and taking that pause and taking nine minutes, it was nine minutes of my day, and I think I spent more time than that dreading it and putting it off and everything else. And so when you think about how much time, I don't know how much time you spend thinking, Oh, I wish I had that life, or I wish I was doing something else or feeling like life's passing you by because the grass is always greener. And when you find out what's going on with somebody else's life. I remember there was a family at preschool, they had everything. They really did. They were just so wealthy. They had the biggest house, the biggest yard, the seemingly perfect everything. And years later, come to find out they had nothing. I wanted, like, really? They say if everybody put all their problems in the center of a circle, everybody would take their own back.
[00:06:48] I now believe that I used to think, no, no, no. I want everybody else's life. I was at a very high-end preschool and I thought, and I was struggling. I was the only one, divorced and single mom raising the kids. On my own and anyway, I just really wanted everybody else's life, and today I absolutely don't I'll take my own and the way everything unfolded But at the time everyone else has looked on the outside way better So you just never know what's going on in anybody else's life. I don't care if they're famous I don't care if it looks like they're rich any of it so If you want to travel, if you want a better job, if I know that there are a lot of CEOs that have, that are so lonely at the top and have no one to talk to. And think that a simpler life would be so much more appealing. And you just want to get on the floor and play with your kids again, or have friends that you don't have to schedule months out getting together with, wouldn't that be amazing? You don't have to schedule it out. You could just get together with your friends. How amazing is that? So, even simple things like that, you can do, what would that look like for you?
[00:08:07] So, it all has to do with mindset, and there are four things that you can do, in particular, to get the right mindset, and just really change, get into an attitude of gratitude and stop thinking the grass is greener and stop wishing for somebody else's life and really change things around for you. But before I get into that, think about what fills you with joy. What really, when you think about it, what fills you with joy? And there are main areas of your life, that maybe you want to look at, finance and romance are always the biggest, but besides that in, so for finance, do you want to make more money? Do you want to keep doing what you're doing and make the same amount of money?
[00:08:55] What is it that you want to do? But, and romance, are you in a relationship? Do you want to make it better? Do you want to get into a relationship? So make a, how do you want that to look? Write it out. Write out. I have a free e-book on the website. You can, there are really simple steps for that you could just go on there and there are some questions you can answer. They're prompts really for all of this. But what do you want your life to look like? Do you want to travel? Do you want to work from home? Do you want to work with other people when it comes to the job? What fills you with joy when you think about work? Maybe your life seemingly looks great right now, but you're so stressed out and you have no time for anything.
[00:09:37] And instead of adding to a to-do list, how about a to don't list? How about taking that pause and filling up your own tank? Give yourself oxygen, taking that pause, take three minutes even, and just breathe, be quiet. I remember locking myself in the bathroom just to give myself three minutes when my kids, they would just walk in the bathroom anyway when they were little, but I would just lock the bathroom and just try to take three minutes just to breathe alone, and just to get some clarity, but writing out what you want.
[00:10:11] Different areas of your life to look like it helps so much. There's something about taking a pen to paper that honesty comes out and it slows the brain down. There are all kinds of studies about this. So travel, relationship, work and friendships as an adult are completely different. Listen to Marissa G Franco's episode. It's one of my favourites. It's so good. But again, we are not meant to isolate at all. Okay. So I'll give you the four areas that help so much you stop wishing for somebody else's life. Number one, I talk about it a lot on the podcast, is gratitude lists. It's hard to feel resentful and angry and everything else. If you're feeling grateful. Gratitude raises your vibrational level frequency so high. So write a list of 10 to 20 things that you're grateful for. It could just be that you're breathing in and out, or that you have a car that runs, the electricity is on in your home, that you have a place to live, that you have a job, or that you have the ability to look for a job.It could be all kinds of simple things that you could be of service to others, which is a good segue to the second one. But writing daily gratitude lists. Even if you, people are like, Oh, I don't feel grateful. How can I write a gratitude list? That's not the point. The point is, by the time you get to the end of the gratitude list, you will feel grateful.
[00:11:38] One of the things I'll do for Scott when, if I'm mad at him, if I write out a list of everything that I'm grateful for about him, by the time I get to the end, I'm like, Oh, he's so great. So I'm not mad anymore. So that's one for if you're mad in a relationship with anyone, so laughing. Laughter is, they say, I mean, it's corny and cliché and everything else, but laughing is fabulous.
[00:12:05] Get on the phone with somebody and, you know, tell, whatever it is, you start laughing with a friend, that is the best medicine. It makes you happy and stay in the day. Don't future trip. Don't talk. Just staying in today keeps things simple, and it doesn't make you wish you had somebody else's life when you're in today.
[00:12:28] There's no telling what's going to happen tomorrow. Anything. Your life could change in an instant. It could get so great just by showing up for life every day. Miracles happen. I have a friend that I love using her as an example, because within one year, she met her soulmate, they got married, bought a house, and she was pregnant.
[00:12:48] And she's still with her husband today. They have three kids that two are now in college, but I, just love her as an example because anything can happen just from showing up every single day. People always say, how don't, didn't you worry when you started your law practice about getting clients? Didn't you worry about this?
[00:13:06] No, I showed up every single day and I've always had clients. That's never been an issue. Just showing up every day creates energy in the direction of your dreams. If there's something you want to do, do it. Doing 15 minutes of work towards that dream or goal creates energy towards that. It may, you may have to pivot, it may take lots of detours, it's never a straight line, but creating energy towards what it is you want to do, you want a soulmate, taking action in that direction, you're going to find your soulmate.
[00:13:39] I manifested Scott, I always say that, and it's great. So, gratitude lists are the first thing. The second is laughter. Third is service. Nothing will make you feel better ever than being of service. I never, I, maybe it sounds really bad, but I never wanna go be of service and a hundred percent of the time, not sometimes a hundred percent of the time.
[00:14:03] I feel fabulous after. I don't care if you're feeding the homeless. I don't care if you're helping the elderly. I don't care if you're helping at the borders, no matter, it can be. Very simple things. It doesn't have to be grandiose. I mentored somebody in a neighborhood who had never met anyone who had been to college. I mentored her for a number of years. I never wanted to go because of the traffic, because of this, because I'm tired, I'm busy, I'm this and that. A hundred percent of the time, I felt great afterwards. Always. You meet other people who are also being of service and you'll feel great. So if you're feeling lonely, depressed, anything, if you go and help others, you will feel better. Like a hundred percent of the time, even if you just call somebody and say, how are you? That is being of service because you're going to listen and listening to somebody else who maybe isn't doing great. That's being of service. That's helping them call a bunch of people and say, how are you doing? And then listen and just be an ear and, and hold space for them.
[00:15:04] It just is so, such a loving act. It's kind and it's being of service. So, especially people who can't get out and about that. It could be, it's helpful. So a lot of people are going through so many things. So that will make you feel better, and it will not make you wish for somebody else's life. It keeps you grateful for your own. So that's the third thing. And the fourth thing is community. We all need community. The number one message from all. I get the messages of hope in, I don't know, 170 weeks, whatever it is, is community. We are not meant to do this life alone. We are meant to be together. A lot of times I'll be on, on Zooms or, whatever platform I happen to be on where I'm talking to somebody and I feel like we're best buds after I spend an hour, however long it is, getting deep and having conversations, but it is not the same on a screen at all. Once I'm with other people and we're hugging and we're talking and I realize, Oh yeah, this is a lot different than seeing somebody on a screen. Texting isn't the same either. We have to actually physically see and talk to each other. We are meant to be in community. The blue zones where people live the longest, the healthiest and the happiest, because why do you want to live a long time if you're not healthy and happy? It's because of community. So get out and be amongst others. Isolation is, it's one of the biggest problems right now. The loneliness factor and the isolation, is it the postmaster general. I have tolook that up, but, he has a couple of incredible podcasts right now and a book. And he talks about the loneliness and, it's because we're not in community.
[00:16:48] I know that lockdown during the pandemic didn't help, but that's over. We need to find ways to get back out into community, like I said earlier, find commonalities, things that you can do with other people, get out, walk around the block, walk in the opposite direction than you normally would. That helps your synapses in the brain and, and new neurons start firing. And maybe you'll meet some people along the way. Offer to, if you don't have a dog, offer to go walk somebody else's. If you're allergic to animals, find something to get outside and, to meet people. There are plenty of ways to create community or get out in community. And one of the things I like to mention is, community doesn't mean you need to be around hundreds or thousands of people.You can be with 10. Like you, you don't have to be with a, large group of, if you're group averse, so just not isolating and being with like-minded people is important. So those are the four ways, main ways to stop wishing for somebody else's life. And if you really know these other people's stories. A lot of times you'll be like, I don't want to go through what they went through to get to where they are today.
[00:18:06] I'll take my life. Thanks. People look at me and they're like, Oh yeah, you're this, you're that. If you really know my story, listen to episode one. I mean, I had an employee. I always say we work together. I don't like to think of it in terms of employees. And he thought I was just some rich bitch or some Beverly Hills lawyer or this and that and nothing was handed to me. I mean I used to be on the streets and was strung out and everything else and once I cleaned up and got my life slowly, slowly together.
[00:18:40] I started going to college and then I put myself through law school. And then, I mean, it was a very slow process and the fact that I get to breathe in and out today. I'm always grateful for my life, always. And that I still went through a dark night of the soul. That's what shocked me. And it's how this podcast came about, and yet you have to listen to the first episode.
[00:19:00] I tell my story. So you never know what anyone has gone through or what their life is about or their story. I have somebody who says you're from messed up to blessed up I thought that was a good way to put it. Everybody has a story. It's how we connect us through our stories don't assume anything about anyone Mel Robbins. I mean when you listen to how she got to where she is. I mean they had nothing for a while Brene Brown, even Michelle Obama, these are people that I look up to. That's why I've mentioned those three. So there's just no telling what anyone has gone through or what they're going through right now.
[00:19:37] Somebody's persona on socials or anywhere else. It just, it isn't true. And living in somebody else's skin is a completely different experience than what they put out into social media or anywhere else. So stay off of socials. That's another way to like stop wishing for anybody else's life and to stay grateful and within your own.
[00:20:00] For me, the best ways to feel good inside my own skin is journaling and meditation. Those are the two quickest ways to feel good in my own body within me and to be able to be of service to others. Meditation could just be breathing in. And breathing out, putting my hand on my chest and give, and which is a great self compassion technique and knowing that I'm okay, just me as I am, that I do the best I can each day.
[00:20:31] And so do you, that we all have our own unique handprint, that you are here for a reason, just like everyone else, that you're great. And that you have a message to share with your peeps, just like we all do. That if you have other methods to stop wishing for someone else's life, I would love to hear what they are.
[00:20:52] That we all get to manifest our best lives. So, whatever it is that you really want to do, you get to do that. If you've got a dream or something that God put in your mind, in your head, there's a reason that it's in there. So go for it. Do it. You get to do that. If it's travel, if it's work, if it's a relationship, if it's a podcast, no, I'd love to help you do that.
[00:21:16] So, you get to manifest whatever it is that you want to do. And you get to live your life, not somebody else's fake life or whatever it is. Because, it's your life that you get to live one of that. So there's eight overarching messages from I put together all the messages. I hope because everybody, I ask everyone for a message.
[00:21:36] I hope and I compiled all of them into eight overarching messages. And one of them is life's in session. This is it. So if you have something you want to do, do it because like this is it. And if there's any way I can help you, I would love to do that. And I've got a scorecard on the website. It's a way to quantify your own personal growth. It's, it's just for you. There's little different things that you can do. If you meditate, you get five points. I don't remember the point score, but there are different ways that if you, if you journal, you get points. And there's just little things that you can do if you call somebody. So it's just ways for you to feel better. So, and definitely, it will keep you from wishing you had anybody else's life.
So, I hope you enjoyed this week's episode and take with you the messages of gratitude, openness, and growth. Such fulfilling messages to take into your week ahead. Be sure to share the episode with your friends and to take and review the podcast so more people can feel less alone in the overwhelm and to remember the pause. Answers emerge in the pause. And instead of adding to your to-do list, how about a to-don't list? Which is my segue into the series I have starting for you that I'm so excited about. It's a show for burnt out, overachieving Type A moms. Unlike other shows for burnt out, overachieving moms, only we take you off the hamster wheel by ditching the to-do list for the to-don't list. That starts next week, and until next week, I'm Lauren Abrams. Thanks for listening!