Reclaiming Your Inner Peace: How to Self-Soothe and Embrace Self-Compassion
Are you sick of feeling burnt out and overwhelmed? With everything going on, sometimes you just need a breath. Or some new coping tools. Or even a brief timeout!
Join Lauren as she gives you tools you can use right now to self-soothe and for your self-care. Learn healthy coping strategies to calm yourself on the spot, even while listening to this episode!
"And they’re just easy to use so that you can just lean into them Because if you just stuff your feelings, that's gonna come out someplace else. No one wants that." (Lauren), 2:20
In this episode, learn to practice self-soothing and its incredible power to bring self-compassion back into your life. Lauren shares easy-to-use tools that help you find relief from stress, overwhelm, and burnout. Shift from relying on unhealthy coping mechanisms and bring back the joy of laughter, meaningful connections, and a renewed sense of purpose.
“Put your hand on your chest. Put your hand on your heart and just breathe in.” (Lauren), 3:20.
Tune in and learn how to cultivate self-compassion, embrace your emotions, and find a sense of peace in life's chaos. Get ready to reclaim your inner peace and embark on a journey towards rediscovering the magic of self-soothing. Don't miss this episode full of practical tips and insights that empower you to live a more fulfilling and balanced life. Go on a quick journey to self-compassion in just a few minutes. You’ll listen to this calming episode many times.
“Doing a short meditation can really just energize you and give you so much self-compassion.” – (Lauren), 7:38
The Importance of Communication and Connection: "We need to actually communicate, and be amongst each other. So to actually talk to somebody and see how they're doing and have that kind of connection, Nothing will make you feel better than that. I promise.” (Lauren), 15:02:
"Stop the struggle and heal your humanity." (Lauren), 20:07
In this episode:
(2:47) – The danger of holding things in and the importance of breathing.
(2:51) – Trauma doesn’t have to be huge; it can be small.
(3:51) – The importance of understanding feelings aren’t facts.
(4:00) – Naming your feelings means they no longer have power over you.
(4:11) – The Feelings Chart and the valuable way it can help navigate life.
(5:18) – Feelings peak for five minutes.
(6:43) – The importance of being open to new ideas.
(7:11) – The powerful impact of standing meditation.
(7:50) – Being okay doesn’t mean you’re okay with what’s happening around you.
(8:54) – Life happens by showing up
(10:00) – Feeling your feelings all the way through your body helps release them.
(10:45) – Meditation doesn’t have to be a long process. Whatever works for you is fine.
(11:24) – The power and impact of journaling as a self-soothing method.
(13:18) – Finding your superpower and what makes you happiest is part of the self-soothing journey.
(14:27) – Checking on someone else is a self-soothing method because it gives you community.
(16:25) – Gratitude leads to vibrating at a higher frequency.
(16:32) – The importance of living in a grateful state.
(17:41) – Life might look good on the outside, but enjoying life is what matters most.
(18:32) – The power of moments and doing the things that light you up.
Resources and Links
52 Weeks of Hope
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[00:00:00] Lauren: The simplest and easiest and quickest self-soothing technique that I've just learned in the past year is to put your hand on your chest. Just put your hand on your heart and breathe in. And that it's tactical. You can feel it. So put your hand on your heart, on your chest and breathe in. And maybe you already knew this, maybe everyone in the world knew this except me, but I love this and it's soothing, it's self-compassion and whatever you're feeling, just say this belongs because it's your feelings.
[00:00:36] Are you a burnt-out overachiever buried in responsibilities? Do you miss laughing with your friends, just laughing from the gut? Do you remember that? Do you feel like life's passing you by? Welcome to 52 Weeks of Hope, where you get to rediscover laughing from the belly and get back your meaningful one-on-one time with others.
[00:00:55] This is where you get to learn how to make that lonely ache vanish and get rid of your non-stop inner critic. Learn self-compassion techniques and give yourself grace. How to stop feeling short-fused, light up to see people. If you've been wishing for some kind of shift, you're in the right place. I'm Lauren Abrams and I get to help you feel that magic again since going through my own dark night of the soul, so you can learn from my experience and the mentors and experts I meet along the way.
[00:01:21] And today we're talking about how to self-soothe, self-compassion techniques so you don't have to run to food, shopping, drinking, drugs, whatever your escape mechanism happens to be. Maybe it's working nonstop, or maybe you just get really pissed off. I love doing this amazing series for burnt-out overachieving type-A ers.
[00:01:42] Unlike other shows for you overachieving burnt-out types, only we take you off the hamster wheel by ditching that to-do list for the to-don't list. Welcome to 52 Weeks of Hope. So there's so much going on right now, but there's always so much going on. I thought I'd give you some really easy self-compassion techniques that you can use right now.
[00:02:05] And they're easy tools that you can lean into. And I always think. Okay, everybody else grew up with this stuff, and I'm just learning it now. But just in case you didn't know these things either, I'm gonna let you know what they are. And they're just easy to use so that you can just lean into them.
[00:02:26] Because if you just stuff your feelings, that's going to come out someplace else. You're going to end up with health issues or it'll come out some other way. I don't know if you've heard some of the other podcasts and I'll put links to them in the show notes, but every time that you hold things in or your breathing is super important, even a trauma doesn't have to be something huge.
[00:02:49] It could just be where you step on the brakes really quick because of a near-miss accident or something, that's a trauma. And you go. With your breath, you need to take deep breaths and undo those, even those little kinds of traumas. To me, a trauma had to be huge. The actual car accident or a death or things that are happening these days.
[00:03:11] So anyway, the simplest and easiest and quickest self-soothing technique that I've just learned in the past year is to put your hand on your chest. Just put your hand on your heart. And breathe in and that it's tactical. You can feel it. So put your hand on your, on your heart, on your chest and breathe in.
[00:03:34] And maybe you already do this. Maybe everyone in the world knew this except me, but I love this and it's soothing itself, compassion, and whatever you're feeling, just say this belongs because it's your feelings. It doesn't mean it's true. Feelings aren't facts, whatever. I mean, name it to claim it. If you heard Rachel O'Meara, her episodes, are so great.
[00:03:57] But once you feel you name your feelings, then they don't have the power over you anymore. And if you don't know what your feelings are, if you didn't grow up talking about feelings like me, I just Google feelings chart and there's a list. There are so many feelings. It's unbelievable. And you can look and see which one matches what you're feeling the most.
[00:04:15] And but putting your hand on your heart and breathing in slow. And breathe out and you can say breathe in fear, breathe in self-compassion, breathe out fear and do it slowly is how I was taught. Breathe in self-compassion, breathe out fear and don't do it too fast so you don't hyperventilate. That's the other part that I was taught.
[00:04:37] That is number one, the easiest and quickest self-compassion technique that I can possibly teach you. There's a, I think it's called, some people call it the square box or there are all kinds of names for it, where you breathe into the count of four, slowly hold your breath for four. And breathe out for four.
[00:04:57] So we can even do it together. Go breathe in one, two, three, four. Hold your breath for one, two, three, four, breathe out for four, three, four. And. Do that. Do it four times. That's easiest to remember. I like easy and I like fast when I find out feelings peak for five minutes. I want to lean into them so I can get through them really fast.
[00:05:22] If they were uncomfortable feelings, if they were happy and joyful and things like that, then, of course, I want them to last forever. But that's not reality. It's not life. So there are a lot of breathwork techniques. There's breathwork with yoga. Mary Cice episode there. Shalini yoga. Dashi's episodes, they're both amazing episodes and they walk you through a lot of breathwork-type techniques, but really focus on your breath.
[00:05:50] If you could set a timer for five or 10 minutes, however long you're comfortable with, do three minutes. It's gotta be easy and just focus on your in-breath and your out-breath. In-breath and out-breath. I'm going to do a walkthrough of this. I think I'll just do a live episode after this and then it'll just be live on YouTube.
[00:06:10] So you can just go to that anytime you want. And just, I'll do a three-minute, a five-minute, a 10-minute, whatever you're comfortable with. And they'll just be there. And they're just mindfulness techniques there for self-compassion and mindfulness, just so that you can feel better. And what it does, it kind of reboots your system and, uh, it'll hit all those little, So that you have the energy to go back about your day.
[00:06:36] I don't know if you heard the episode where I was talking about the standing meditation. When I first had to learn it, I was like, I don't want to do that. Cause I was already, I'd never done it, but it sounded boring as could be. And I thought if I don't mind putting my tush on a cush and, uh, and meditating, 'cause I know.
[00:06:53] That feels great. Or I want to go. I sit in front of a computer all day. I don't want to stand and meditate. I have all these ideas and I haven't even tried it yet. And, uh, it was only a nine-minute teaching, but I still like, I kept putting it off and putting it off. And when I finally did it, it was the most incredible experience.
[00:07:12] And I felt great afterwards and I was energized and, and I was hyper-aware of my, of everything going on. And. internally and I thought this is great and it only took nine minutes and who knew And so giving things There were just so many lessons in that so giving something a chance Is my message in that uh, it was the message to me anyway, doing a short meditation can really just energize you and Give you so much self-compassion and it for me it makes me okay What's going on around me?
[00:07:50] It doesn't make what's going on around me. Okay, but it makes me okay with what's happening around me and to be centred and balanced in the midst of things that aren't That way is just such a blessing. And so, and it doesn't mean you have to do that for, you know, sit for an hour every morning and every night, or it can be just a few minutes.
[00:08:13] So anyway, that's my message on that with meditation. So, so far it's the hand on your heart and just give yourself compassion, give yourself that grace. And if you could name what's going on with you, whatever the feeling is. And just say this belongs or yes, just say yes to it. Say yes to whatever comes into your life.
[00:08:35] I'm I'm going, OK, I'll just go to the Taylor Swift movie. I have no idea what it is. And by the time you listen to this, maybe it's like the biggest sellout. It's not her concert. I don't understand. But I'm saying yes because I'm being invited to go and I was taught just to show up. That's how life happens by showing up.
[00:08:55] 90 per cent of life is about showing up. So by showing up, anything can happen by showing up for your life. It's how you get community. It's how you meet people. It's how opportunities happen. I'm not saying that's what's going to happen by my going to the movie tonight. Anyway, it's I was taught to say yes, so I am going.
[00:09:13] So that is definitely an aside. But so number one is. Putting your hand on your heart, naming it to claim it with your feelings and saying, yes, this belongs because whatever you're feeling, it's your feelings. So again, it doesn't mean they're true because feelings are not facts. And, um, I can give you an example of that.
[00:09:35] A friend of mine had passed away and I felt abandoned by my friend. She didn't abandon me. She died. But my feeling was of abandonment, so I wasn't abandoned, that was my feeling though, and I just said yes to it, because it's my feeling, and yes, this belongs, I don't wallow in my feelings, I feel them, I feel them all the way through my body.
[00:09:57] And they leave. That's the incredible thing. When you feel your feelings all the way through, you can feel where they go. Maybe they, if it's anxiety or something or fear, fear is in my gut. I feel it in my gut and I can feel where it goes from there and it'll leave and then new neuropathways are created, which is pretty cool.
[00:10:16] So that's what I mean by feelings aren't facts, but they belong to their mind. Who knows how or why they were created? I would, it doesn't matter why, but they're there and um, I'm going to feel them all the way through so that it protects my health and that's enough of a reason for me. I want to be healthy.
[00:10:33] It sucks being sick. Okay, so that's number one. Number two is the breathing. Breathe in, breathe out, which is a really good segue to number three, which is meditation, which I just talked about. It doesn't have to be a really long time to just concentrate on your breaths. To your out-breath, it could be mindfulness meditation, loving-kindness meditation, or whatever kind of meditation works for you.
[00:10:56] It can be just like I said, on your in-breath, when does your in-breath turn to an out-breath? You can focus on that. There are so many different types of meditation. You can just contact me, send me a DM or email me. If you're on our email list, just hit reply on the emails. I send the weekly emails and I will.
[00:11:14] Offer up so many suggestions on meditation and like I said, I'll put a couple of meditations up on, um, the 52 weeks I hope YouTube channel. So that should help. Okay, so next number four is journaling. When the feelings arise or you feel like you need to self-soothe, you need some self-compassion. Something's coming up.
[00:11:35] Even if you want to turn. Uh, for me, it's sugar. I love sugar. I want, I could say, Oh, what's happening right now? And I could just journal. I want a cookie or I want to eat a cake because that's my thing more than ice cream. I could just write, but it doesn't mean I'm not going to have it, but I could write and see what's going on.
[00:11:54] Instead of breathing into the feeling, especially if you're trying to stop, they talked about it. I might listen to an entire scientific study on this and, and doing the any of, and all of these techniques. Works. Also, if you're trying to stop vaping or smoking or alcohol drugs, it went through a whole list of any of these.
[00:12:13] If you have a shopping problem or food, any type of addiction, it doesn't have to be an addiction. You're just trying to change your behaviour, journaling about it and just writing. Oh, I want to do this right now. What's going on? What am I trying to avoid? And looking inward it doesn't have to be a 30-minute exercise.
[00:12:33] It can be a two-minute exercise, a journal. You can write a couple of sentences. It doesn't have to be a whole page or write three pages for the next 15 minutes. It doesn't have to be that it can be whatever you need. Just it's more about noticing than anything else. It's the noticing, Oh, I want this right now.
[00:12:52] What's going on and looking inward and so journaling? Freehand journaling, because when you write freehand, which nobody likes, everyone wants to use the keyboard or their phone, but freehand is straight from your heart, writing onto the paper. Pen to paper is how I was taught, and it's how you get to your own truth.
[00:13:12] Nobody's going to see it. Stick it in the shredder afterwards. And then looking for what's your superpower. What is your own superpower? What are you great at? What lights you up to do it? And what if you always say, God, you're so good at this. You should be doing this all the time. What makes you happiest?
[00:13:30] Are you doing that? If not, take a look at why not. And it's so funny when I was listening to that whole scientific study, it said that staying sober is a superpower. I was like, wow, it's been a really long time. I guess that's my superpower. Cause I always wonder what's my superpower. So now I know I thought I was just staying alive by doing that and keeping other people alive while I'm editing too.
[00:13:53] Now, like, nope, superpower. Okay. I don't know about that, but he is a scientist, if he says so. And I wanted to have one anyway, so there you go. Now I have one. Anyway, so what's your superpower? What do you love doing? And if your best friend or your really good friends or somebody close to you were going to describe you, what would, what would adjectives would they use?
[00:14:15] And what would they say you're really good at if you can't come up with it? That's always the best way to come up with these things. The other thing I'm going to say about self-soothing or self-care is to call somebody else up and see how they're doing. If none of these other things worked, which I can't imagine they wouldn't, but you don't feel like doing them, none of these resonates with you and you're like, yeah, forget those Lauren, call somebody else up, see how they're doing.
[00:14:38] Because that gives you community. It connects you with somebody else. Connection is so important. So many of us are lonely, and we need community. We need it more than ever these days. And texting doesn't count. Being on Zoom, I always feel like you're my BFF after I've been on Zoom with you. But it's not the same.
[00:14:58] We need to actually Communicate and be amongst each other. So to actually talk to somebody and see how they're doing and, and have that kind of connection, nothing will make you feel better than that. I promise. It's something you might not want to do, but you take the action anyway and you will feel better.
[00:15:17] And it's very much self-soothing. And they may say, how are you too? And you can tell them, to call someone safe. That is. Like an incredible action. And what I'm going to do next week, um, I also have, uh, somebody I'm talking to who had me make this, I have a personal growth scorecard, uh, confidence and clarity growth scorecard.
[00:15:38] What it does is it quantifies the personal growth space. It's free on the website. I'm going to do an episode on it because it's so great. And so every time you do one of these things, you just give yourself points. There are things like journaling meditation and calling somebody. And it's. Doing things that make you feel better.
[00:15:57] It's only for you. And every time you do one of these things, you give yourself points and it's really great. And it makes you feel good. So I'm going to go through it with you and tell you how it works and why it makes you feel good. And all these different things like why intention setting works and things like that.
[00:16:19] And gratitude, gratitude makes you vibrate a higher frequency when you live in a grateful state So making gratitude lists and things like that. So all of these you give yourself points every time you do it And you count up to the point where it counts it for you.
[00:16:36] It's, it's all on a spreadsheet for you. And it does all that. And it's, it's fun. And you see if you could increase your score week to week. And so I've quantified the personal growth space and it's kind of fun. And then somebody who there's these guys that they do all these kind of things together, he had me make it prettier because it was kind of boring looking. So now it looks a lot better. If you had gotten one of these before the personal growth scorecard, get a new one. So they're now very pretty. They're all colour-coded and everything. And there are explanations, but I'm going to do it. I'll do an episode so that you can know what I'm talking about right now.
[00:17:13] But if you've got other self-soothing techniques that you like to do, I'd love to hear about them. I have some. Amazing, amazing guests helping you get off the hamster wheel so that you can enjoy life again. So many are, I mean, I know it looks good on the outside, but you're not enjoying your life. And I just read this New York Times article about this man.
[00:17:34] He doesn't have all that long to live, but he is enjoying life every single moment. He feels a little bit bad for his wife, but he's enjoying every single day. And I just think if I was dying, what would I not want to be doing? And that's like, forget the to-do list. It's the to-don't list. I am getting rid of it.
[00:17:53] Stuff I don't want to do. It was a very powerful article about how much he's enjoying his days and his time with his wife, his kids, his grandkids, and his dog, and just really appreciating everything. And before I started this podcast, I was interviewing elders about the meaning of life and, and what. Why are we here?
[00:18:15] What have they gathered from living life as long as they had? And it's a moment, it's always moments. So what are your moments? And, um, it's not the busyness, it's the moments. It's not how clean your house is or how much you're working. It just isn't. So what's important to you? Are you doing the things that light you up and, uh, put your hand on your chest and just know it's okay?
[00:18:38] Give yourself grace. Are you doing those things? There's a free ebook on the website about, you know, how to do those things and get back to your joy. So if there's, if there are other tools, I, I mean, what, what I know that I'm good at is helping you align with what it is you're supposed to be doing so that you can live in your joy, get to the magic of life.
[00:18:58] Like this is it. Life's in session. This is the only one we get. And so you want to be doing those things that make you happiest. So if you're not sure what that is, but you feel like You're a little off. I was doing these confidence and clarity boost sessions, and I'll do them again. Yeah, I feel like I'm kind of called to do that again. So I will go ahead and do that and I hope you got something out of how to self-soothe and you know, empower yourself in effective ways for that self-care. It's so important these days. and so that you can also take these techniques and teach someone else, because once you've learned them, then you get to teach them to other people, which is kind of great.
[00:19:38] I hope you enjoyed this week's episode and take with you the messages of self-compassion breath. And of course the pause such fulfilling messages to take you to your week ahead. Be sure to share this episode with your friends and to rate and review the podcast so more people can feel less alone in the overwhelm and to remember the pause.
[00:19:56] Answers emerge in the pause and instead of adding to your to-do list, how about a to-don't list? Be sure to tune in next week when Sarah Peck joins talking about how you can stop the struggle and heal your humanity. And why you do the things you do so that you feel more authentic and focused again. You get to align with who you really want to be and do those things you really want to do.
[00:20:19] She's the founder of Startup Parent. It's an amazing, empowering episode. You're going to love it. It's a show for burnt-out, overachieving Type A moms. Unlike other shows for burnt-out, overachieving moms, only we take you off the hamster wheel by ditching the to-do list for the to-don't list. Until next week, I'm Lauren Abrams.
[00:20:38] Thanks for listening.