Growing Your Self-Awareness: Secrets to Making the Right Decisions For You
Do you want to know the secret to making the best decisions? Are you sometimes scared to trust your inner knowing? Are you ready to find out when to act on your decision?
Join Lauren as she gives you powerful tips on how to make decisions and move your life forward. Learn powerful methods to help you create and act on the right decisions!
“Answers emerge in the pause, taking that breath, putting your hand on your heart. And breathe.” – (Lauren) 5:24.
In this episode, you’ll learn the importance of pausing, listening to your inner self, and ignoring the outside voices. Lauren offers simple tools helping you make the best decisions for you and, more importantly, how to act on them once they’ve been made. The answers lie within, and fear often keeps you from finding them. You have to name them to claim them; when you do, they’ll magically disappear!
“I also never discuss a situation or make a decision without sleeping on it.” (Lauren), 6:38.
Overcoming Fear: "Is fear stopping you from making a decision? Is there some kind of fear? [...] Because if fear keeps you from taking action, Then name it because you name it to claim it. And naming and claiming the fear takes the power away." – (Lauren), 10:27.
Listen and learn why you should never make an important decision without first sleeping on it, why hand journaling works best, and why staying aligned with what you feel is right for you is a must! Don’t skip this chance to gain practical tools to help you become a strong decision-maker and begin living a richer, more fulfilled life! It’ll only take a few minutes, but those few minutes will be some of the most powerful you’ve ever experienced, and you’re sure to revisit these tools again and again!
“If it’s hysterical, it’s historical; Look for some underlying root causes . . . ” – (Lauren), 7:42.
“Silence and presence, that’s how you access your clarity and openness.” (Lauren), 9:30.
"If it's coming from a place of love and service, and it fills you with joy, and when you think about doing it, it just feels right, That's the right answer for you. That is the easiest way to come to the right decision.” – (Lauren), 13:45.
“Don’t just sit on it; take action.” – (Lauren), 16:30.
In This Episode:
(3:03) – Trusting your inner knowing.
(4:44) – Asking the universe for a sign.
(5:25) – The power of the pause and how answers emerge in that space.
(6:03) – The best answers emerge from within.
(6:51) – Never make a decision without sleeping on it.
(7:08) – Walking in nature without any devices is a way to pause and listen. When you do, answers emerge.
(7:50) – Pay close attention to situations that prompt strong reactions.
(7:57) – The value of journaling (by hand!).
(9:50) – The quiet moments that can be found in breathing-in, and breathing-out.
(10:40) – Striving to make life simple, especially regarding decision-making.
(11:08) – The one question you should ask regarding what stops you from making a decision.
(11:22) – Naming and claiming your fear takes its power away.
(12:07) – Closing your eyes, feel, and find your fear.
(12:35) – The importance of breathing into your fear.
(13:14) – Taking action even if you’re afraid.
(14:09) – Instead of going to the wrong person, do a gut check.
(14:33) – Do what it is that fills you with joy.
(14:43) – Does the decision come from a place of service or selfishness?
(15:01) – Regardless of where it comes from, if it feels right, there is your answer.
(15:25) – The Erma Bombeck List.
(16:09) – The importance of staying aligned with what’s right for you.
(16:14) – Why hand writing journaling is the preferred method.
(16:35) – The Five Second Rule.
(16:56) – If it’s right for you, it will work for you, even if you make a mistake.
Resources and Links
52 Weeks of Hope
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[00:00:00] Lauren: Sure. You can run around and ask all kinds of people, oh, what should I do? What should I do? But that's not getting you the right answer for you. And everybody's going to have an opinion. Everybody's going to have an answer for you. And unless you have a mentor for this exact situation for you, you might not get the right answer for you.
[00:00:17] So I'm here to teach you how to get the right answer for yourself from yourself. Because ultimately that's the best way to get your answers for you. Are you a burnt out overachiever buried in responsibilities? Do you miss laughing with your friends, just laughing from the gut? Do you remember that? Do you feel like life's passing you by?
[00:00:37] Welcome to 52 Weeks of Hope, where you get to rediscover laughing from the belly and getting back your meaningful one on one time with others. This is where you get to learn how to make that lonely ache vanish and get rid of your nonsense. Stop inner critic, learn self compassion techniques and give yourself grace.
[00:00:54] How to stop feeling short fuse light up again to see people. If you've been wishing for some kind of shift, you're in the right place. I'm Lauren Abrams. And I get to help you feel that magic again, since going through my own dark night of the soul. So you can learn from my experience and the mentors and experts I meet along the way.
[00:01:11] And today we're talking about how to make the right decisions for you. Whether you're feeling off, not aligned with who and what you're on this planet to do, or you've got a feeling that something isn't right and you're not sure what direction to go, I'm gonna give you simple tools right now to get to your answers.
[00:01:28] I love doing this amazing series for burnt out, overachieving Type A'ers. Unlike other shows for overachievers, only we take you off the hamster wheel by ditching your to do list for the to don't list. Welcome to 52 Weeks of Hope! So I just got back from Boston visiting my son. It was very last minute.
[00:01:49] I'm not saying he was saying, oh mom, come visit me. 20-year olds aren't like that. 20-year old boys are definitely aren't. I just had this feeling that he wasn't doing okay. It was the anniversary of my kid's dad's death, it was just a feeling and this is what gave me the idea to do this week's episode because I've come to trust my inner gut, my knowing, and it comes from years of doing certain practices and certain new practices that I've learned that I want to share with you.
[00:02:23] Anyway, and I was right. It was good that I went and visited him and it makes me feel better as a mom to have seen him and been there, met his friends and just had that one on one time with him. And yeah, so of course he was depressed. It's the anniversary of his dad's death. It's still recent. And so I went, I'm back.
[00:02:45] It did my heart good to see him. And so I've come, like I said, to trust my inner knowing. And it made me remember a story, my favorite trial attorney who I just love. The first time I ever heard him speak, or that I remember hearing him speak, maybe I heard him before that, he was going through different trial practices and techniques and everything.
[00:03:07] And then he was taking questions and someone said, his name's Carney Shegerian and top trial attorney. It's amazing. And he's won many awards and everything else. And he gets these huge verdicts and, and he's super empathetic and just a really good kind giving person helps a lot of people. He's been through the ringer a lot.
[00:03:27] I've tried, I've scheduled him to be on 52 Weeks of Hope a lot because like everyone, he's overcome many adversities himself. He's a cancer survivor and anyway, I think he's why, it's why he's so empathetic and juries just love him. But so an attorney asked him, he said, hey Carney, how do you know how much damage is to ask the jury to award to a plaintiff?
[00:03:54] He's also an employment rights attorney. And he looked at the group of attorneys and he said, I just get a feeling of how much to ask. And that is when I fell in love with him. And all these attorneys just look dumbfounded. Like, what do you mean a feeling? What, what? And I totally get that. And I love Carney and that my inner knowing and my gut, like that speaks to me, but logical left brain attorneys, I think that just threw them for a complete and total.
[00:04:25] But the number one thing instead of running when you've got a decision to make I always ask the universe to give me a sign and inner knowing and sometimes I'll be like, okay, God I'm on a timeline here. I need an answer by tomorrow and I expect to be struck by lightning or something, but I'm like, I'm not getting it.
[00:04:45] You need to be a little more blatant with me. And so that's when I start ducking, like I'm going to be struck by lightning or something anyway. So I pause, pausing, and that's all I've been talking about in the last month and a half at Rachel O’Meara Episode 169. She's all about the pause. She has a podcast about the pause.
[00:05:05] She has a TED Talk about the pause, but answers emerge in the pause, taking that breath, putting your hand on your chest, it's soothing, it's self soothing. It's self compassion, putting your hand on your heart and taking a breath and just pause. I mean, sure you can run around and ask all kinds of people.
[00:05:24] Oh, what should I do? What should I do? But that's not getting you the right answer for you. And everybody's going to have an opinion. Everybody's going to have an answer for you. And unless you have a mentor for this exact situation for you, you might not get the right answer for you. So I'm here to teach you how to get the right answer for yourself from yourself.
[00:05:43] Because ultimately that's the best way to get your answers for you. If you have a mentor, definitely go and talk to that mentor. That's ideal. Everyone doesn't have that for every situation. I definitely, for a situation that I have right now, there's one person in particular, I had trouble reaching her though.
[00:06:04] I finally talked to her just for a nanosecond. So I didn't get everything I needed out of that. So I definitely did my tools and I do journaling and meditation and I get quiet and I also don't ever discuss a situation or make a decision without sleeping on it, but I do not make decisions without sleeping on them.
[00:06:25] Even for my clients. I tell them I want to sleep on this. I point blank say I sleep on anything without making a decision on it for you. But taking that breath, that pause, answers emerge in the pause. Taking a walk around the block without a cellphone, without listening to anything. Answers emerge that way.
[00:06:44] It's quiet and you're just, you're walking. It's a really good way just to, I mean, it's a way to be creative also because you have no device and there's nothing, there's no TV, there's no nothing on. It's just a really good way to get answers. Also, if there's something going on and there's a real visceral reaction to it, I was taught if it's hysterical, it's historical.
[00:07:10] And what that means is if there's a really strong reaction to something, it might not be to that situation. It could be some really old stuff going on that needs to be cleaned up. So that's where journaling comes in and you can get to the root of a lot of what's going on. So there's some journaling questions that you can write in case there's blocks.
[00:07:34] You could write, what am I unwilling to feel? And then just write. Or what's the right answer for me or what am I unwilling to see here and so that you can know if there's any blocks what's going on and get to the right answer for you and one of my mentors always has me do a pluses and minuses just look.
[00:07:59] Right there in front of me, what's positive for me and what isn't such a great choice for me. And look at both sides. That's really good. She would always have me do that to look at that and to stay in a place of gratitude while I'm going through all of it. Like, how incredible is it that we have these tools that we get to do this?
[00:08:16] Because we're lucky that we can do that and to do it all with an open heart and an open mind. I'm so grateful that I have an open heart and an open mind while I get to go through this process and to enjoy it. So if you're in this place where you don't feel aligned with who and what you really want to be doing, what fills you with joy?
[00:08:37] What do you wish you were doing? What do you love doing? Who do you love being around? And take a look at that. When we're in silence though, and just get really quiet with ourselves. Remember, silence and presence, that's how we access our own clarity and openness. So having that silent moment or breathing in and then out, breathing in and out is soothing.
[00:09:07] And there's a quiet moment in all of that. And that again is when answers emerge for yourself. Now, you could also make yourself completely and totally crazy, do the seven step decision making practice or the five steps in making right decisions, or three powerful habits you need to develop right now, or decision making 101, you could take a whole course on it.
[00:09:35] What this whole series for overachieving type A people and people who are overwhelmed and just too much to do and everything else is instead it's to get off that hamster wheel and taking things off your to do list and do the to don't list and making your life simpler, everybody is on overwhelm right now.
[00:09:59] And it's so you have a simpler life, not more to do and not decision making 101. It's a simple way to make decisions in your life to tap into your own inner knowing. But really, I think the best question you could ask yourself to get to your own decisions for yourself is to stop and ask this question, is fear stopping you from making a decision?
[00:10:28] Is there some kind of fear? I was taught that fear is false evidence appearing real. So, if fear is stopping you from taking action or doing something you really want to do, or from making a decision. If you're just scared and I don't mean to I'm not passing judgment when I say are you just scared I don't mean it if it comes off sounding that way because everybody has fear. It's fear for a reason but if it's fear that's keeping you from taking action then name it because you name it to claim it. And naming and claiming the fear takes the power away.
[00:11:09] That's 50 percent of it right there. So name it to claim it. And then close your eyes and feel the fear. Feelings last for five minutes. They peak for five minutes. You can do anything for five minutes. I'm like five minutes. Okay. I just want to get to the other side of it. But if you close your eyes and you feel the fear, or the feelings, whatever it is, and you feel it, where is it in your body?
[00:11:33] For me, it's always in my gut. I can feel the fear in my gut, sometimes in my chest. And if you close your eyes and you feel it and feel it all the way through, it'll actually move. If you breathe into it, it'll move and it'll move out of your body. If you feel it all the way through and you just sit with it for those five minutes and breathe all the way into it, breathing into whatever is in your body, it might even be trauma.
[00:12:00] It might be some old stuff then. It takes the power away. It takes the trauma away and you get to move through it. And that is incredible. It also creates new neuropathways by breathing into the fear. You're doing so much for yourself by breathing into it. And God doesn't drive parked cars. You can't sit in a corner and wish for something to happen.
[00:12:24] You actually have to take action. Life's in session, it’s the only one we get. And so taking some kind of action, even if you're afraid, I'm going to make the wrong decision. So what do something doing nothing. It's not like, I think I'll do this. It should be a thought out kind of an action doing the other things that we just discussed, journaling, meditation, the pause and waiting for the right answer to emerge, doing the pros and cons list.
[00:12:54] Really taking, looking at objectively, if it's fear, breathing into it, doing all these different tools and taking that right kind of objective view, looking at it, not if it's hysterical, it's historical, and taking a look and seeing like, oh, yeah. Maybe I'm being a little rash here or calling your mentor or somebody who's been through the exact same sort of a situation as you have and talking to them, but not going to the wrong person.
[00:13:28] That is definitely not the right idea. It's more going within and and taking a look and doing a gut check. That is how to get to the right answer for you and these tools, they all work and it's how to get to the right decision making for you. And then also what fills you with joy? What makes you happy?
[00:13:52] When you think about it, what fills you with joy? It just lights up your inside. Does this decision align with that? Is it coming from a place of service or is it a place of selfishness? That's also a good question. Nobody's judging you. This is for a question for you to just ask yourself because if it's coming from a place of love and service and it fills you with joy and when you think about doing it, it just feels right.
[00:14:20] That's the right answer for you too. That is the easiest way to come to the right decision. It fills you with joy. It's coming from a place of love and service. There you go. That sounds like the right decision. So, you know what's right. There was a list of all these things to do in your life. Like don't save the good dishes sit on the good furniture. If you grew up in that kind of a household, don't save things, do it all now. And she said, and when you know, you know, and I'm totally paraphrasing it, but you know, and so if there's a block or something for you. But you know, you know when it's not right and you know when it's right for you.
[00:15:11] So stay aligned with what's right for you. Don't go asking other people. You can journal about it, handwrite when you journal, because that's straight from your heart to the pen and paper. When you're writing on the keyboard, it's not the same. When you're journaling like handwriting, that's straight from your heart.
[00:15:30] And that's how you're going to get to the right answers from you. And take action. Don't just sit on it. Take action. Mel Robbins talks about the five second rule, go five, four, three, two, one, go. If you wait more than that, you're not going to take the action if you have an idea. So just take action. If you make a mistake, so what?
[00:15:51] We make mistakes in life. Just take an action. If it's right for you and it's meant for you, it's going to happen, even if you make a mistake. So I'm Lauren Abrams. If you've got some other way that you know is a great way of making the right decision for you that you're not going to regret, send me a message, DM me, email me.
[00:16:13] I would love to hear from you and know how you make these decisions. I hope you enjoyed this week's episode and take with you the messages of having faith in yourself, staying true to yourself and to trust the process. Such great messages to take into your week ahead. Be sure to share this episode with your friends and to rate and review the podcast so more people feel less alone and overwhelmed and to remember the pause.
[00:16:37] Answers emerge in the pause and instead of adding to your to do list, how about a to don't list? Be sure to tune in next week when we're talking about how you can stop the struggle and heal your humanity and why you do the things you do so that you can feel more authentic and focused again. You get to align with who you really want to be and do those things you really want to do.
[00:16:59] It's an amazing, empowering episode. You're going to love it. It's a show for burnt out, overachieving type A peeps. Unlike other shows for burnt out, overachieving type A-ers, only we take you off the hamster wheel by ditching the to do list for the to don't list. Remember to be kind to yourself this week.
[00:17:18] Watch that negative self talk and give yourself the same patience and compassion that you'd give a friend. I want to thank Alex for the nice review on Apple Podcast. Part of what she says... and wrote on her review is that the podcasts are so helpful, informative, and they help her breathe easier. I love that.
[00:17:39] Thank you so much, Alex. Your reviews do make a difference, so I'm really grateful that you took the time to write that. If you're enjoying the podcast, share the love and tell two of your friends. Until next week, I'm Lauren Abrams. Thanks for listening.