Rudy Tomjanovich: We Don’t Have Any Control Over What Comes Into Our Head, But We Have The Power To Stop It
Rudy T. -- All Star player. Two time NBA world champion. Gold Medal winning head coach, you’d think he had it all. He worked really hard at being a good student, and a good athlete, a good person. But he had this voice in his head telling him, “Rudy, you really aren’t all that.”
Rudy T. -- All Star player. Two time NBA world champion. Gold Medal winning head coach, you’d think he had it all. He worked really hard at being a good student, and a good athlete, a good person. But he had this voice in his head telling him, “Rudy, you really aren’t all that.”
One day, Rudy had a car accident and no one knew exactly what happened (not drinking related at all), but Rudy’s doctor decided it was time for him to go to rehab and quit drinking. Rudy always thought he was different than other people, not quite like others when he compared himself. That negative inner voice of his was always telling him you’re “not that good, you’re not fooling anyone, and everyone can see it.”
He learned that that voice in his head is called his “stinking thinking,” and he also learned he’s not the only one who has it. This was a revelation to him. He was sure he was the only one and he was constantly running from that voice and trying to prove it wasn’t true.
After he got out of rehab and stayed off alcohol, he learned that while “we don’t have any control over what comes into our head, we do have the power to stop it. We don’t have to ride that pony.”
Before this, he had to ride it, and his head could, and sometimes would, take him anywhere, including some dark places. He learned that just because he thinks something, does not mean it’s true -- and that it probably isn’t true if it’s some negative self talk.
He started wondering how he ever got so worked up over something when most of the time he couldn’t even remember what started the spiral!
Back when Rudy was still a player in his 30’s, he sometimes got this shame spiral going really deep. He was so good in his profession, but felt he couldn’t live up to what others thought he was. So he completely isolated himself. That was his solution back then.
When he was in rehab, Rudy learned that the voice in his head was common. He heard a lecture about keeping secrets and how they’re a real killer. That the things we are holding back are the root of the problem, and it made so much sense to Rudy that he went and found a counselor to tell him his biggest secret to get it off his chest.
He couldn’t believe he was gonna do that, but went ahead and did - laid it out there. The counselor looked at Rudy and said, “No shit? That stuff happens.”
That was it. And the relief Rudy felt was immense and instantaneous.
Rudy was also having trouble sleeping. Serious trouble sleeping. He was told to get a connection to God. He had no idea what that meant or what that had to do with anything. He went back to his room to try saying the Serenity Prayer he had seen. He was four days without sleep when he prayed, really at his wits end and willing to try anything. He said a prayer, on his knees, it may really have just been, “God help me.” Suddenly a velvety cotton cloud of warmth came over him. The tension left as well as all worries. He felt safe. Whatever God was, he knew he felt protected. He made it through that day with energy. It was a total miracle. He quit isolating and felt connected. A boulder rolled off his shoulders and that night he finally slept.
Over the next almost two decades, most of Rudy’s “what-ifs” have happened. What-if I get cancer. What-if I lose my health. What-if I get sued. What-if I don’t have all my money/lose my money. The what-ifs happened and he survived them all. He’s still here. He’s still standing. He’s still thriving and surrounded by those he loves and who love him.
He’s gained a belief that in the overall scheme of life, it’s when you’re connected with a spiritual basis of some sort, that you come to realize that we’re all connected. That no one is closer to this force than another. He says that as long as he opens the channels to spirit, he’s okay. That all his problems come “when he shuts out this channel,” and that he also needs to be open to other people for the channel to come through. When he goes into a corner and tries to think out his problems, that’s when he’s really in trouble! That’s when he knows he’s isolating again, and that spiral can start back at any time.
Rudy knows now that when he opens himself up to this spiritual light, he can expect miracles to happen. When he first heard this, he thought, “Yeah right.” But he’s seen it time and again. “When bad things happen to good people, we keep dwelling on it, we become part of the problem too. We have to move on. When go through adversity, of course we’re gonna be troubled - don’t pitch a tent in the valley - feel the feelings, do the forgiveness, then move on.”
Rudy has never felt better in his entire life than he does today. He’s surrounded by people who love him. A loving partner. Friends. Family, including grandkids. Yapping happy dogs. And a peace and tranquility that lasts so long as he remembers his own message:
“Just because it’s one of my thoughts, doesn’t mean it’s true.”
Thanks Rudy T. We all love you.
Angela Davis: You Were Created In Purpose, On Purpose, For a Purpose
I walk out of her spin class energized and ready to do anything - even if I don't know what it is! I feel like I’ve had the best workout of life and been to a revival at the same time
I walk out of her spin class energized and ready to do anything - even if I don't know what it is! I feel like I’ve had the best workout of my life and been to a revival at the same time (even though I’ve never even been to a revival). She said some people call her a “fitness evangelist.” She calls herself a “greatness coach.” I call her a role model.
I think she’s wonderful and I’m a total groupie, and have more than swallowed her brand of motivation. I have a “body by Angela,” I’ll tell you that. I’m now in my 50s and in the best shape of my life, and I give her all the credit. There’s a reason Oprah plucked her up and took her on the road.
AARMY is an indoor cycling studio where the music’s blasting and the lights are off and the energy’s incredible. Angela’s MY instructor, and always says “If you can dream it, you can be it.” She wants to “give people permission to dream again.” Even if people have dreams that they’ve buried deep down, she gets to “fan the flame” and “posture people for the future intended for them.”
Angela gets to “encourage the gifts and talents inside each of us.” She gets to “remind us that our dreams are valid.” She gets to “host a space of vulnerability for us to be the best version of ourselves.”
She loves to say “gets to.” That right there shows you her attitude. She gets to show up as her best version of herself every day. And she wants everyone else to do the same. It’s all attitude and choice and God - that’s Angela.
Angela LOVES doing this and it is obvious. She is on fire and present and a channel when she works. She’s constantly in action and working us all the while telling us how much we are gonna achieve and how big we need to dream. She’s ready to take her message onto every platform that can carry it. She’s clearly called to go global, it is her future - a global mandate - and she can see it. She wants to go where people feel forgotten. And she will. That’s a given. Just like breathing.
I asked her what she would say to someone feeling hopeless. She told me there’s a scripture that says “Those without hope perish.” And explained that “hope is what keeps us alive. We have to have hope.”
Angela says to anyone feeling hopeless, “Please remember that the trouble won’t always last.” “We are not given more than we can handle.” “What’s happening is happening for you, for your future.”
It reminds me that there’s always more than we can see - that we can never see the big picture, especially when we’re in it. That when we’re in it, that’s when we have to trudge the most to get to the other side. This is where all our growth occurs. And it’s why it’s called faith, because we can’t see, only believe and trust in a feeling that it’ll all somehow be okay, because it will. Even that tiny sliver of a feeling. Even if we have to borrow faith from someone else, we do it. That’s the deal. You can’t see faith - only feel it, like love and the wind (my kids said that to me when they were really little - of course today they’d deny saying any such thing!).
So we keep going. We keep trudging through. Then one day, we have just a tiny bit more faith, then a bit more, till one day, we have just a bit of our own light and then we begin to trust just a little and maybe even believe we’re gonna make it through. And really, we finally get that the full 24-hours aren’t awful, just some of them, and less than that if we allow ourselves to be with others and let them in. Until it passes and we realize that we aren’t the pain, we are more than that and we look back and it’s mostly behind us except the lessons and the growth.
That’s what Angela reminded me of - that we don’t know the big picture when we’re in the midst of the pain.
Angela got here, to this place, to this wonderful divine place, from her own hopelessness. She despaired through postpartum depression, not making the Olympic team after years of trying, the heartbreak of divorce, through her own broken and shattered dreams. Her incredible family helped her. She shares about her family a lot in class - how they read scripture together and make it palpable to younger generations, and they taught her about service and taking what you have and giving back. She was in such a dark place, in her depression. She wasn’t running track anymore. Her dad came to her and told her she needed to start running. To “run to your healing.” (How do people get these brilliant families? My kids would roll their eyes and make fun of me for 2 decades if I even intimated such a thing).
Angela’s message: “You were created in purpose, on purpose, for a purpose.” “Not one of us is an accident” is the message she takes on the road. She says “Our life is about honoring our gifts and talents by operating in our gifts and talents, which is living in our purpose.” If we don’t keep going, we don’t get to live the purpose we’ve been created for.
It was during/after/because of her postpartum depression that she started teaching spinning classes. Her husband, Jerome, got her out of the house to try it. He saw something that could get her going again. Just like her dad’s “run to your healing,” Jerome got Angela to move again and saw movement as key. The rest is history. It all starts with just one step for all of us.
This goes back to our own special spark that no one else has. Each of us has our own kind of brilliance and our very own light to shine. Angela lights our fire and shines it brighter. She puts the spotlight on each one of us, turns it up, and does NOT let up . We must keep dreaming bigger and brighter and fulfilling a higher calling. Fulfilling a higher purpose of service, of greatness, of our destiny. That’s what Angela does for me, and for everyone.
She works her Angela magic. “Can you see your dream? CAN YOU SEE IT? If you can see it, it’s not big enough! Make it bigger! Make it BIGGGGERRRR!!!” (Insert super dynamic, enthusiastic motivational jumping up and down person here). “This is your time. Your time is NOW.”
And it was during one of these (or maybe during a culmination of these passionate “motivational speeches”... whatever you call ‘em… while we’re riding like our lives depend upon it) that I knew I couldn’t let all these beautiful messages of hope sit. That I had to get them out. And I knew there’s 52 of them, so it’s 52 Weeks of Hope. Because it is your time. It’s my time.
It’s all of our time. She’s the one who inspired me to write this book. She is all that. And more.
*** Angela has since opened up AARMY @AARMY Co Founder. Chief Motivation Officer| @Nike Athlete| Mom, Wife, Fitness Evangelist, Speaker
m.youtube.com/watch?v=nKRdgeNn8pA
Note: Angela’s classes are now luckily available to everyone ON DEMAND through the AARMY app or see the website. Angela’s gone global as predicted!
Rabbi Ken Chasen: We Can Do This - You Are Not Alone - We’re Going To Get Through This Together
As I’m writing this, the worst killing of jews on U.S. soil just occurred just a few days ago as a crazed gunman stormed the Tree of Life Synagogue in Pittsburgh, killing 11 jews worshiping on a Saturday morning, injuring many more. Rabbi Chasen, Senior Rabbi at Leo Baeck Temple, led a vigil in Los Angeles along with leaders of many many faiths and community leaders as he has on other occasions.
As I’m writing this, the worst killing of jews on U.S. soil just occurred just a few days ago as a crazed gunman stormed the Tree of Life Synagogue in Pittsburgh, killing 11 jews worshiping on a Saturday morning, injuring many more. Rabbi Chasen, Senior Rabbi at Leo Baeck Temple, led a vigil in Los Angeles along with leaders of many many faiths and community leaders as he has on other occasions. So the first question I asked him was whether at times like these (especially at times like these) if it sucks being a rabbi, or if he regrets what he does for a living.
He does not.
Rabbi Chasen, even now, is grateful he is a Rabbi. It is an “honor to do, even though it is hard to do.” He gets to look back on his life at the end and see how he has lived his life, and he smiles and sees it will be a “pretty good life.” That’s for sure.
A brief disclaimer – this is my rabbi. I love my rabbi and my temple. If you had told me I’d ever write a sentence like that when I was younger I’d think you were on drugs, but it’s true. I grew up a “twice-a-year-jew” and really didn’t know much except I felt Jewish and believed in nature.
Once I had kids, I wanted to give them some foundation of sorts, and when I joined Leo Baeck Temple at the advice of a friend who said I would love it there (fat chance, I really thought, but I was too nice to say that), my friend was right. My temple is true community. People show up for each other and know one another. I learned it’s okay that I don’t know all the rituals and prayers, but I have learned soooo much. I even got bat mizvah’d as an adult, and was the youngest in the class (I think.)
I have watched Rabbi Chasen navigate some of the most difficult tragedies as well as some petty personality conflicts all with grace and sensitivity to everyone.
How does he do it? How does he always find the right words? He didn’t always want to be a rabbi. He didn’t know what he wanted to do when he was younger. He was writing songs by the age of 14 and serious about music in college. A self-taught musician he was leading bands in high school and in college. Playing many instruments (keyboards, drums, bass and guitar) and leading his band, he recorded some songs in Nashville with money he saved being a “fake cantor” (yep – his buddy was studying to be a rabbi and couldn’t sing so asked Ken to fake being a cantor. Ken did this his entire college career!) He graduated college a 4.0 stellar student not knowing what he wanted to do. At this point, torn between rabbinical school (because his friend who seemed so normal was doing it) or music, (he LOVED the creativity and whole experience of music) was a difficult choice.
Of note: Ken Chasen became a fake cantor from his friend in summer camp. Ken was 17 about to enter college, his friend was 23 – a cool older kid Ken looked up to who was studying to be a rabbi. When he asked Ken to help him with the singing, Ken was thrilled -- he gets to be with this friend, make money, and sing in front of others. The friend hands Ken a manila folder full of the music and picks him up on the way to Richmond, Indiana. Ken still laughs telling this story and gets a kick out of the fact he made $50 each time he got to do this work. When he was on the bema/stage singing one of the songs (Avinu Malkenu), towards the end of the song as he finished the high note, Ken felt chills and had a deep memorable spiritual moment. He’d never had anything like it. (Well that’s a sure sign of a higher power at work!)
I asked him if he told anyone (I never would have at 17-years old – not back then). He said he told his parents who proudly attended all the time when he was a fake cantor (I just love that – “fake cantor” – it’s probably the only non-rule abiding thing he’s ever done!) Ken Chasen came to Los Angeles and met with the then Assistant Dean at Hebrew Union College (HUC) and honestly told him his dilemma. This wise Dean didn’t try to sell Ken on rabbinical school. This great guy clearly saw another fabulous leader in the making. He told Ken to go into the world and do his music. Even if he tries for two years, fails and comes back to HUC, it will make him that much better and more empathetic a rabbi. The dean saw what an overachiever (my paraphrasing) Ken clearly was (come on – 4.0 all the way through college), writing songs, leading bands, working as a cantor, etc etc. He told Ken he could come back. Ken had no idea that was an option!
So Kenny Chasen moved to the slums of Van Nuys, CA and lived in poverty for a year, barely able to pay rent or eat before dumb luck and a bit of hubris had him arrive and eventually get a cush job in the movie studios – he even had the ultimate prize - a Warner Bros parking spot!
Ken worked on a lot of television shows for a number of years and got to write his own music. He played golf and worked his way up the union. He was dating his now wife Allison and all seemed good, yet something was clearly missing (I know that feeling.) He was making a lot of money – had a new car and a new apartment. But he began to wonder, “Is this it?” (Sounds familiar.)
He did not want to choose rabbinal as a fall-back. He always kept up his singing during the high holy days at random little synagogues that could only afford someone during those times, not full-time. At this point, Ken Chasen again applied to HUC.
Not only did he get into HUC, he received a prestigious Fellowship to boot.
So that is how my rabbi became a Rabbi.
And he loves it. No two days are alike. Ever. He wears sooo many hats – he creates religious community for others, he is a staff supervisor, he’s in charge of a budget of millions for a non-profit, he pastors people, he still gets to create music and to sing, and so so so much more.
But it is when Rabbi Chasen talks about community that he really comes even more alive. You can tell it’s his life’s work. He says that community exists because the world is getting faster and lonelier all the time. That we all need “genuine human encounters.” That we need to really “relate to people on a level that matters.”
And when that really awful tragedy occurs, what then? “Then you are not alone – we’ve got you. You are never going to heal. You are going to learn how to walk around with the broken part.” And we will walk with you. You do not have to walk alone. Ever. That’s what community is.
Ken Chasen has such a way with people and intuitively knows the right thing to say. It’s like when he spoke at a downtown rally last summer for the second Women’s March. He could have gone for the cheap applause by saying anti-Trump sentiment, but “that’s fleeting and not what people need to hear,” says Ken. His message, his purpose is to remind us that, “We can do this. You’re not alone. We’re going to get through this together.”
He feels his purpose is to help people feel connected in love to humanity more than they ever imagined. I asked him HOW? Because that sounds wonderful. How to help people feel connected? Especially now.
He says we must “give away some piece of self-pursuit in order to be a part of something larger then ourselves.” (Get rid of the selfish, self-seeking tendencies that turn us inward - my interpretation!) Ken then spoke of Martin Buber and the question of “how do we encounter God?” Buber, says Rabbi Chasen, answers that, “all real faith exists through meeting with others.” So we can’t sit inside and isolate. We must mingle (cringy for some, I know).
But it’s super simple really. We have to get outside and really see each other, not just breeze by. He just means we get to notice the checkout person at the market, and when we do this person isn’t an “it” anymore. She/he matters, you matter, we all matter and we get to have a relationship with each other.
The same with the driver next to us. It isn’t a car, an “it.” There’s a person inside we can wish well for the day ahead (or whatever time of day it is), who has an entire story and life and dreams and failures and future and family and daily routines, just like us. Ken then went on to talk about the philosopher Emmanuel Levinas who describes the “face of another.” Levinas writes beautifully of all of this - that it is in the face of a stranger - when we actually look at a homeless person on a corner, he has a face - he exists, and is no longer faceless. It’s now a person.
This is actually why I keep granola bars in my car, cases of them, for the homeless. When we make eye contact, they do exist. I do not want to give homeless money in case they’ll buy liquor. I sometimes ask if they are able to chew the bar, (no disrespect intended but dental hygiene’s not high on homeless activities), so I’ve had a bit of interaction and because I’ve seen them, interacted and done the best I can in the moment, this is no longer a stranger, a faceless person.
I’m not so great - I learned the case of granola bars in the car thing from someone else and loved the idea and have been doing it ever since. Steal the idea from me! Such an easy feel-good moment. And it links us with humanity. What an easy way to get instant hope. And it links right back to Ken Chasen and community and connection.
Thanks Rabbi Ken Chasen. You definitely embody hope for others.
Kenneth Chasen is Senior Rabbi of Leo Baeck Temple in Los Angeles.
Rabbi Chasen is an outspoken commentator and author on a wide variety of subjects pertaining to Jewish life, with a special emphasis on social justice in the United States and in Israel. In addition to his activism in support of immigrant rights, affordable housing and environmental sustainability, he has assumed a prominent role in promoting Israeli-Palestinian coexistence, having met with such dignitaries as past Israeli Prime Minister Shimon Peres and former Palestinian National Authority Prime Minister Salam Fayyad. He created and led a groundbreaking rabbinic mission to Jerusalem and Ramallah in 2011; the group met with key officials and ministers in the Netanyahu administration and the Palestinian National Authority, as well as influential business leaders on both sides of the Green Line.
Rabbi Chasen’s writings have appeared in a wide variety of national and international publications, including the Los Angeles Times, The New York Times, the Chicago Tribune, Variety, Reform Judaism and The Jewish Journal, among many others. Rabbi Chasen is also the co-author of two books which guide Jewish families in the creation of meaningful Jewish rituals in the home. In addition, he serves on the adjunct faculty of the Hebrew Union College – Jewish Institute of Religion, and he is a nationally recognized composer whose original liturgical and educational works are regularly heard in synagogues, religious schools, Jewish camps and sanctuaries across North America and in Israel.
Rabbi Jill Zimmerman: We Thrive In Community
I decided to interview a person a week for a year and mentioned it to one of the rabbis who runs my monthly spirituality class. I told her how I believe we connect through our stories and I wanted to talk to different individuals over the course of a year to get their messages: to derive meaning and simply see where it takes me.
I decided to interview a person a week for a year and mentioned it to one of the rabbis who runs my monthly spirituality class. I told her how I believe we connect through our stories and I wanted to talk to different individuals over the course of a year to get their messages: to derive meaning and simply see where it takes me.
She proceeded to tell me that this was exactly what her rabbinical dissertation was about and I was free to read it (I didn’t even know they had rabbinical dissertations - I’m so uninformed.) After a bit of prompting I received the dissertation and found it fascinating. Despite my fears (too religious, too highbrow/over my head/can’t understand it, BORING, etc), I found it is an easy read and luckily all about people.
Of course she quotes from all the old stuff, like the torah, the mishnah and the like; I mean - she is a rabbi, lol!, but I also love her experiment. Check this out.
She was a Rabbinical intern at a prominent synagogue in Beverly Hills that was looking for ways to build community among members. She led a year-long project where members told their own personal stories of hope and difficult times to other members. As various members revealed themselves to others, the sense of connection, even among life-long members grew. People got to know about each other and the bonds grew. We find solace in community when a community recognizes the Divine in each person (Rabbi Soloveitchik).
It is one of the basic truths of the areas of the world where people live the longest, called the “Blue Zones” - we need community. We thrive in community. Isolation is not good for the soul. I found all of this fascinating, kinda what I'm looking/searching for, if you will.
From Rabbi Jill:
“The individuals belong to the community compliment one another existentially. Each individual possesses something unique, rare, which is unknown to others; each individual has a unique message to communicate, a special color to add to the communal spectrum. Hence, when a lonely man joins the community, he adds a new dimension to the community awareness. He contributes something which no one else could have contributed. He enriches the community existentially; Every person has something to contribute in this life. No one’s life is replaceable. Everyone matters.”
It would be great if we could all see each other this way.
“Judaism has always looked upon the individual as if he were a little world (microcosm). With the death of the individual, this little world comes to an end. A vacuum which other individuals cannot fill is left. The saying: Whoever saves one life, it is as if he had saved the entire world. (Mishnah Sanhedrin 4, 5)”
Such beautiful sentiments, but it takes truly stopping and slowing down to take in. That’s probably why so many messages I get from the elders I interview are about putting down our phones. About truly connecting with others.
Now, as I revisit these messages, we are in quarantine from the Pandemic. Community is no less important and we’ve found new ways to stay in community. Zoom, face-time, Google hangouts and the like thrive as we find ways to connect. There are InstagramLive free classes, courses on happiness, free meditation and breath work, yoga, tai chi, cooking together, such a myriad of ways to keep connection while we “social distance.”
And here at home we completed our first Zoom Seder. Who’d have thought? I now take Angela’s class on Instagram Live and see others from my 9:30am class on there, too (along with people from all over the world which is just so cool). Angela smiling, cheering us on. I can actually see her happy face clearer and more close up from home then I can in class. And I don’t have the long commute. And the traffic. And to worry about parking. “You’ve got this. YOU’VE GOT THIS! You have everything it takes to make it through this. Who do you want to be when this pandemic ends?” Angela inspires us higher and greater. She’s named her new business AARMY based on community and constantly reminds us we’re in this together, that we are all community (as I’m pedaling and dying to keep up!)
So it’s the same message from Angela during the pandemic as before - it’s just being broadcast to me from my iphone. And Angela’s message is the same as Rabbi Jill Zimmerman’s about community. Angela’s even started bringing people in to “tell” their stories on Instagram a few times a week. Kinda reminds me of Rabbi Jill’s temple experiment.
Our souls need a place to breed and grow and someplace to expand. I'm hoping 52 Weeks of Hope gives that to anyone who needs it. We’re here. We’re listening. We’re cheering you on. We’re your pulpit, your bema, your stage. We are your community - because everyone needs community, just ask Rabbi Jill Zimmerman.
**Rabbi Jill Berkson Zimmerman is a rabbi-at-large and founder of Path With Heart who teaches around the country, works with people individually, and created the online Jewish mindfulness community Hineni, She also leads a local Jewish community in Orange County. She is a spiritual entrepreneur and activist who is devoted to helping people discover mindfulness through a Jewish lens. She works with the Orange County Jewish Coalition for Refugees and is a national activist on refugee issues. She is a columnist for the Jewish Journal, and writes a popular blog devoted to bringing compassion, justice and personal spirituality into the public conversation.
*** Angela has since opened up AARMY @AARMY Co Founder. And luckily always available On Demand https://www.aarmy.com/home Chief Motivation Officer| @Nike Athlete| Mom, Wife, Fitness Evangelist, Speaker